Stop taking it so personal. That is the key.
Every single day my inbox is filled with hundreds of e-mails from women who take dating very personally.
From the minute they see someone they’re attracted to, they immediately think of reasons why this man isn’t going to like them.
When you take dating personally, you rob yourself of a chance to truly connect with someone.
To connect, it means you have to flirt.
And that’s a lost art in today’s dating world.
Flirting, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, is when a woman smiles at a man, and the man knows it’s okay to walk over.
The man walks over and says something, and the woman is receptive.
And together, they flirt and they actually find a way to give each other a phone number so they can go and start talking to one another outside of the encounter they just had.
That’s what flirting truly is: a man and a woman giving each other signals.
Another thing that we do nowadays is try to flirt on dating apps.
We go and they make themselves available to one another. We open up, we flirt, and then unfortunately a lot of the times the flirting turns into nothing.
You get ghosted, or all of sudden the man doesn’t get back to you and doesn’t want to have a date with you.
Maybe sometimes you get the phone number and you give somebody a call, or you text them, and they don’t get back to you.
Maybe it’s somebody you go out with them two or three times, then all of a sudden they don’t get back to you.
That’s what dating is. Dating is not personal at all.
If you take dating personally, you’re going to be alone for a long time.
Dating is about trying to meet the ultimate person to have the most incredible soul-to-soul connection that you can possibly have.
That’s your goal.
If it were so easy to date, everybody would be falling in love left and right.
Just like if it were so easy to make a $1 million, then everybody would be doing it.
But you’re looking for a life partner.
And if you’re looking for a life partner, you’ve got to prospect. You have to actually put yourself out there every single day.
You have to literally flirt and talk and give out your number.
You have to swipe, you have to type, you have to text.
Massive action = massive results.
I tell women all the time: if you want to go and find love, then you better put yourself out there every single day.
Nobody is going to meet anybody that they truly want by putting themselves out there one time.
It doesn’t work.
If you hide in your house, you’re never going to meet somebody. And if you take it all so personally, you’re never going to meet anybody. Nothing is ever going to happen for you. You’re not going to find love, and you’re not going to meet somebody you need to be with.
If you truly want love, then you can’t take dating personally.
You can have a mini-relationship, but if they don’t want to be with you anymore, don’t take it personally.
You go out on 10 dates, but if you don’t get a second date, don’t take it personally.
You haven’t found your person yet.
Is there feedback to learn from?
Yes, of course there is.
Are there ways to improve the way you communicate and talk to people on a date?
That’s why I’ve been coaching for 20 years.
Are there books you can read about becoming more vulnerable and open and working through your stuff?
Dating is all a numbers game. And if you take it personally, you’re never going to rack up the numbers meet somebody amazing.
You’re going to constantly be stressing about every little move you make. And if you overanalyze every move and every date and every interaction and every time you give out your phone number – and if you take it personally each and every time – you’re going to one huge mess.
You’ll never find anybody, because you’ll be so in your head.
I dated up a storm over the last couple of years before I met the person I’m with.
Why did I date up a storm? Because I knew massive action would find me the love that I truly desire.
I didn’t take anything personally. I went out with people, I had many relationships, many break-ups.
It didn’t work out.
I was ghosted.
I was flaked on.
I went through all the same things you go through.
Yet, the difference between you and me is that I didn’t take any of it personally.
I grew from the experience.
I learned from the experience.
I evolved from the experience.
I took responsibility and made sure I was working on myself through the experience.
And one of the biggest keys to success during this experience was that I enjoyed it.
I always knew that this experience would pay off, because I always had a desire to find love and knew that it would pay off for me in the end.
And that’s the big difference: not taking it personally and believing it’s going to show up.
So, there’s just a quick little reminder today as you’re off dating during this holiday season.
Make sure that your mind can handle the day-to-day dati
ng life that you’re about to engage in.
Do not take any of it personally.