The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

Why You Shouldn’t Go And Hate Dating

Yeah I know. You just got out of another failed relationship.

You like the word failed? I don’t believe in the word failed. I don’t think the word failed even exists.

I’ve been married a bunch of times. People would say, “You had three failed marriages.”

I look at it differently and say to myself, no, I tried.

I picked the wrong person each time, but I had a wonderful experience every single time, and I’ve got nothing but positive memories and positive experiences.

I can look at it and blame people all I want. They didn’t do this, they didn’t do that. I can think, oh my God, I think the last one I picked was crazy.

I can say all that stuff. The second one was this, third one was this, fourth one was this. I mean, we can just add it whether you’ve been married or dating or whatever it might be.

The Problem is What I Hear Way Too Much in Dating: Hate

I used to hear the word hate when a six year old says she hates a song.

But now I hear it over and over again from men and women, “God, I hate dating.”

“I hate men. They’re all this.”

They use those terms like, “They are all this. They’re all cheaters.”

“They’re all inauthentic.”

No, they’re not. There are great people that are out there.

Millions and millions and millions of them. We’ve got billions and billions of people on this planet, and there are great people everywhere on this planet. Every single day you can find amazing people.

But if you continue to let your experiences dictate your life, I can see why you’re always going to consistently hate the process of dating.

There’s No Reason to Hate Anything About Your Life

I was with somebody who was terrible, who left me feeling really bad about myself.

But it didn’t make me hate women at all. As a matter of fact, I just realized, I chose her. I needed to have that experience with her, needed to learn things from her, and I thank her for those lessons.

I don’t ever have to see her again, deal with her again, or anything. But I can thank her for those lessons.

She didn’t ruin me for dating. I hear that term all the time: “He ruined me. I’ll never trust again.”

“I’ll never allow someone to meet my children again. I’ll never allow…” I mean, I hear this all the time.

It means nothing. Nothing at all because what happens is, when it comes down to dating, you can’t hate the process.

Embrace the Process

There’s going to be a lot of shitty people you date.

There’s going to be a lot of people that vanish.

There’s going to be a lot of people with no integrity.

There’s going to be a lot of people that just don’t follow through.

There’s nothing you can do about that. It’s not that they’re inheritably bad people, it’s just that that’s who they are. Maybe you guys didn’t mix. Maybe you guys weren’t meant to go long-term. Maybe it just was a lesson you needed to have.

You need to change your perspective.

Having a healthy perspective on dating gives you the opportunity to go and actually meet the person you’re supposed to meet.

You can’t hate the process. You can’t hate what other people did to you.

I can pull that same card. I can do it every single day. I can hate the process. I can hate the person that I was with. I’ve gone through some shit like everybody else.

But yet, I still believe that people are inheritably good.

Are there people out there who are evil? Yes.

Are there women out there who are blood-sucking vampires? Absolutely.

Are there men out of there who are complete assholes? Yes, absolutely.

Are there people out there who are just mean and abusive? Yes.

Are there narcissists out there who you might end up dating and they just take you for a ride? Yes.

Are there crazy people out there? Yes.

There are all those things. I’m the first to admit that. I’ve dated a narcissist. I know what they’re like. It’s a terrible experience.

But At Least I Have That Experience… and I Survived It

I’m alive.

I get to wake up every single morning and live another day.

I get to enjoy my life another day. I get to have experiences with new people every single day. And I have the opportunity to love somebody freely and openly, somebody who appreciates all the love that I have and I’m able to give.

It’s your perspective. It’s the whole perspective on how you look at things.

Love is support. Love is honesty. You’re all going to have it, but you just need to let go of all the assholes and idiots you’ve met before.

Don’t go hate the lessons. Embrace the lessons.