Matchmaking 101 - Office Hours with Lisa Clampitt

The 5 Things You Need To Know To Master The Art of Seduction

Woman seduces a man into bedA few weeks ago I was invited to give a talk at a private club in New York City about the art of seduction.  I didn’t know quite who would be attending this event, but figured the group would be comprised of mostly singles looking for help finding a mate.  When I got there however, I was amazed by the diversity of my audience.

The room held married couples, newly divorce individuals, and singles from all walks of life. This broad turnout made me wonder why such a wide range of people would be interested in learning about the art of seduction.

I realized that when it comes down to it, seduction is universal. You can use it for anything: attracting someone for a date, seducing your spouse of 15 years, or getting a job at an interview. Once this skill comes naturally to you, opportunities will present themselves that might not have otherwise.

So, I thought I would share this widely sought after information with you!

Becoming an expert at seduction is not as hard as one might think. Anyone can learn to be more seductive, it just takes knowing what attracts people to you. After fifteen years as a matchmaker and interviewing thousands of men and women from around the world, I have pretty much figured out what attracts one person to another. I think that this short story sums up what I have learned perfectly: 

At a fabulous cocktail party there is a successful bachelor in attendance that a lot of the single women at the event would love to meet. The first woman who approaches him is a beautiful international model.  She proceeds to tell him all about herself, her travels, all the magazines she has been in, and how many men would love to date her. She goes on about her life and how wonderful people think she is, etc.  He then starts to say something about himself and she checks her cell phone and excuses herself.

Another woman comes over and smiles at the same man and shakes his hand. She is good looking, but not a super model by any means. She starts up a conversation with him by saying, “I’ve heard a lot about you! I’d love to hear more about how did you get involved in animal rescue and charity work?” He talks a bit about his work, and she is very impressed and focused on what he is saying. She continues to ask more about his passions, makes eye contact, and is excited to hear what he has to say.

Guess which woman this guy asked out on a date?  Woman #2!

That is the key to seduction; there is no magic formula. It all comes down to making someone else feel understood.

People love to talk about themselves and have people engaged and curious about what they have to say.  It makes us feel good to be understood, and when someone makes us feel good, we want to spend more time with them. It is as simple as that. It is always the person who is curious about someone else, and puts in the effort to understand them better, that will be attract a potential date.

That is the key to seduction; there is no magic formula. It all comes down to making someone else feel understood. Any romantic woman has dreams about being ‘swept off her feet’ which if you think about it, is in essence feeling like someone completely and totally gets you and wants to be with you.

Next time you are in a situation where you need to turn that power of seduction on, remember these 5 key elements:

1.     Lead with you’re inner CONFIDENCE.  Not showing off, but genuine confidence. The kind of confidence that you don’t need to sell.  It will show that you believe in yourself and who you are, are happy with your life, and know how to laugh and have fun.

2.     Your ability to really truly LISTEN to another person and HEAR them. People can tell when they are being listened to, so really focus in on the person you are speaking with.

3.     CURIOUSITY.  You can listen all you want, but if you don’t genuinely care and are curious to know about a person you will never touch their heart/soul/mind and make them feel that rush of romantic and sexual energy.

4.     The ability to UNDERSTAND is imperative. You are curious, you listened and now you need to work to truly understand them and where they are coming from.  After all, what we all really want is to be understood. This is the ultimate turn on.

5.     Having fluid yet comfortable boundaries.  When someone is truly connecting with another person, they use touch in a natural way and have a closer proximity to the other person. They LEAN IN. This breaks through boundaries but in a natural and connected way.

If you are able to master these 5 elements, you are off to a great start.  But remember, we all have different styles, so make sure your style of seduction suites your personality.  If you force yourself to touch someone because you are remember element number 5, but you just reach out for no reason, it is not going to work. Or, if you are shy, maybe you will not walk in owning the room, but will adopt a quieter confidence about you that is equally appealing.

Find your individual strength and incorporate the elements that work for you.  Remember, it is all about practice.  So go seduce you friends, dates, collogues, anyone you can so you can see what works for you.  And remember, HAVE FUN!!