The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

How Do You Know If You’re Dating A Sex Addict?

Man browses porn on his computerYour friends think you’re crazy. You’re dating a hot, sexy, confident man, and what’s more, he’s madly in love with you. But there’s a problem, and it’s starting to worry you. The sex you share together is INCREDIBLE. No other man has made your toes curl like this guy, but his appetite for sex is insatiable. In fact, you struggle to keep up. You’re worried he might even be a sex addict. If he’s addicted to sex and you can’t keep up, he might look elsewhere.

You’re worried, and the more sex he demands from you, the more worried you become. So how do you know if you’re dating a sex addict? What signs should you be looking out for? And what can you do if you think you’re dating someone who is addicted to sex?

Let’s have a look further into this, as I answer some of your questions about sex addiction.  

What are the common symptoms of a sex addiction?

  • Most sex addicts will constantly look at pornography.
  • You’ll find them masturbating at least a couple of times a day.
  • They’re extremely passionate and almost aggressive sexually.
  • He’ll often go for massages after work but not tell you which “salon” he’s visiting.
  • He’ll receive a flurry of text messages at funny times of night. These could be from booty calls.
  • There are plenty of other symptoms but these are some of the main ones to watch out for.

Do sex addicts always need sex from another person? In other words, are they destined to cheat on you?

In my experience, it varies, but most sex addicts will desire anyone and anything that will get them off. One guy I knew would go off to swimming pools during the day while his wife was at work. He’d go and flirt with all the young girls by the pool, and literally proposition every single one of them, until he found one who would feed his addiction. Most sex addicts crave sex whether it’s from their partner or someone else.

How can I tell is he’s just very passionate about me, or whether he’s an addict?

You’ll find out the truth in the way he makes love to you. Does he focus on the act of sex itself and getting himself off, or is he concentrating on your pleasure first?

Usually a sex addict won’t spend much time on foreplay. He’ll want to penetrate you as soon as possible, and then won’t waste any time finishing the job. He’ll also want to do it more than once. Again, it’s all about getting himself off as quickly as possible. If he’s just extremely passionate about you, he’ll be all about your pleasure. He’ll do everything he can to please you before worrying about himself.

When should I be worried he’s looking for sex elsewhere?

Porn on their computer is never a great sign. Nor are messages to other women, or links to websites relating to swinging or dogging. Another big flashing warning sign is he stops coming on to you even though you know they have a high sex drive. If he seems less interesting in sex with you, the chances are he’s found someone else to feed it to him.

If I just give him sex when he wants, will he stay? How much sex is too much?

It’s not up to me to make that decision. It’s not up to anyone to make that decision. Knowing how much sex you want is a personal decision, and nobody, including your partner should dictate to you. If you want it three times a day and it doesn’t interfere with other aspects of your life, go for it. Sex is amazing. But set your own limits and boundaries. Nobody can tell you how much sex you should have.

Is there a difference in the type of sex they want, like porn sex over intimate sex?

Usually addicts just want conquest sex. They want to have as much sex as possible. It’s very disconnecting. It’s not intimate or meaningful. It’s a purely physical act. It’s about getting off. If you get off too then even better. That just feeds their ego even more. They’re like walking orgasm counters.

Sex addicts very rarely bring any emotions into the bedroom. When they’ve done what they want they’ll just “hop off” you and go off to do something else. 

How does their addiction affect our relationship?

The outlook isn’t good. Unfortunately, unless he can fix his addiction quickly the chances are you won’t last. While he’s addicted, he can’t control himself. He’ll constantly be in hunter mode. He’ll always be looking for his next conquest and next orgasm. You won’t trust him and without trust, there isn’t a relationship.

How do you treat someone who exhibits these traits?  At what point do you suggest professional help?

You’re not a therapist. You’re not the right person to help him. You need to send him to a professional as soon as you can. Let him know you’re not prepared to stay with him until he gets help. Tell him there’s no future while he’s an addict. If he wants to change, he will. You can’t force professional help on him. He needs to want to do it for himself as well. It’s not an easy road to recovery, but with patience, love, and care, sex addicts can learn to control their desire, and focus their energy into other things.

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