The Sex Files with Emily Morse

Friends With Benefits: Can you handle it?

Girl and man discuss taking their relationship to the next level at coffee

Dear Emily,

I just got out of a long-term relationship. I still talk to my ex all the time and we’re really good friends right now, even though we live in different cities. He and I never had the most exciting sex life while we were together, but now that I’m single, I’m ready to have my sex life back! So I was just wondering what your advice would be for someone who is newly single and physically ready, but maybe not entirely emotionally ready?




Dear Liz,

I think it’s great that you’ve pinpointed exactly where you’re at right now, no strings attached sex, or commonly known as a  “Friends With Benefits” relationship. Remember that even though you say you’re not emotionally ready, it can be challenging to balance the physical with the emotional. After having sex, we sometimes get prematurely attached.


In biological terms, the female orgasm releases a burst of oxytocin, also known as the cuddle hormone. It’s what makes you feel warm and fuzzy and what facilitates a sense of attachment. If there’s no deeper emotional connection or meaningfulness, an orgasm can become a regretful reminder of the hollowness of the sex that preceded it. This is called “post-orgasm regret,” and it typically manifests itself in the form of sadness or anger. So be aware that although you’re not looking for a relationship now, biology might trump your intentions. Remember to be mindful every step of the way and keep a close tab on your feelings.

Email me your questions and stories to

Want more Sex With Emily? Check out my podcasts for free on iTunes, my book Hot Sex and my iPhone apps Kegel Camp and Sex Drive. Check out my new intimate care line Emily & Tony for massage candles that turn into luxurious massage oil and DownUnder comfort to stay fresh and dry down there. Use Coupon Code SEXWITHEMILY or 20% off. Also, use coupon code EMILY for 15% off atGood Vibrations. These are my favorite sex toys and vibrators from Good Vibes: Sex Toy Recommendations (some restrictions apply). Never tried the #1 sex toy for men. Get a Fleshlight here.