The Healthy Heart

How To Stay Positive After a Bad Date…Or Ten 

woman stays positive after a bad dateThere are few things more defeating than coming home after a bad date. The disappointment can be enough to make you want to delete your online dating profiles, tell your friends you’re off the market and declare yourself eternally single. If you’re serious about finding love though, you’re going to have to accept that bad dates just come with the territory, and it’s how you handle them that really matters. For every bad date there will be five good ones-at least that is the pattern I’ve noticed in my own life. Here are some tips on how to stay positive after a no good, terrible, horrible date.

Before a First Date, It’s Important To Manage Your Expectations

One of the worst types of bad dates occurs when you’re meeting someone in real-life for the first time. Maybe you met them on an online dating site, or Tinder or were set up by mutual friends. You’ve probably been texting or chatting on the phone, and so far, you really like what you know of them. Unintentionally, you build them up in your mind to be absolutely perfect for you, the person you were looking for! You are SO excited to finally meet so your relationship can develop in person…but when you do, there is nothing there. Maybe they don’t look like their photos, or maybe your online/text message chemistry just falls flat face to face. For whatever reason, there won’t be a second date, and you feel incredibly let-down.

This is why it is so important to manage your expectations from the get-go. Remember this rule: No matter how often you text or talk on the phone, you do not know someone until you meet in person, and you cannot allow feelings to develop until you’ve been front and center. Following this simple rule will prevent you from painting a picture of your date in your head that they may or may not be able to live up to. This way, if they aren’t what you are looking for, you won’t be so disappointed and feel like you’ve wasted your time and energy.

Laugh It Off

Why cry over some stranger you’ll never see again when you can laugh? Instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself,  replaying the date in question in your head, call a friend and have a good laugh. Bad dates happen to us all, they’re usually well out of our control and generally make a great story. Don’t take yourself, or your date, so seriously-there is nothing that you can do about it now, so laugh it up! However, keep your conversations private, or at least anonymous. You don’t want to be that person airing their dirty laundry on Facebook for the world to see.  That’s not attractive!

Learn From It

Laugh it off, but also take some time to take some mental notes on where and why the date took a turn for the worst. Were there too many awkward silences? Was your date rude? Just not feeling it? While there won’t be a lesson to learn from each bad date (because, come on…some are just ridiculous), remember that each date you go on is more dating experience in your arsenal. Approach each date as an opportunity to sharpen your skills.

Break The Cycle

If you find yourself in a dating rut, having one bad date after another, it might be time to pull back a bit. Shake it off and focus on yourself for a week or two! Spend time doing things that fulfill you, and surround yourself with the people who genuinely know and love you. Bad dates can bring your energy down, so make it a priority to lift yourself up and get back to a happy state of mind. Date opportunities will always be there, and you’ll have much better luck if you have a positive state of mind rather than a frustrated one.