Patti's Blog

How to talk about your break up

talkaboutbreakupI’m smack dab in the middle of Amy Poehler’s book, Yes Please. It’s such a wonderful read. She’s just as adorable and inspiring on the page as she is in interviews. Not like you’d expect anything less, but the book is funny and well written and you really get the sense that you’re just sitting down for a chat with Amy. I also feel like I’m learning a lot of life lessons. One of the things that I admire about Amy’s story is how she’s handling talking about her divorce with Will Arnett. She doesn’t say a bad thing about Will and, in fact, thanks him in the acknowledgements, which is a classy move. But, she does talk about how horrible and hard divorce is. I really like how honest she is about what a nightmare divorce can be because most people would be afraid to talk about how lonely and sad it is. But, not Amy. She’s fearless and classy, which is an unbeatable combination. So, inspired by her, here’s how I think you should talk about your break up.

Don’t say it all, even if it’s true

I know that after a break up, it’s so tempting to list every single bad thing your ex ever did to you, share all the gross details of whatever penile weirdness he has and spill all of him embarrassing fears. But, stop yourself. Even if everything you’re saying about your ex is true, it doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing to share. And you know that he has just as many nasty things he could be saying about you. You probably wouldn’t want him to spill of your dirty little secrets, would you? So, give yourself a karmic break and spare his feelings as much as possible when you talk about your break up.

Talk about your feelings

One thing you can be fully open about is how you’re feeling. You don’t need to hold back and be a soldier among friends and family. They’re all waiting for you to give them the cues on how to act. If you pretend like nothing is wrong or you’re doing close to fine, they’re not going to be able to offer you the support you want. Also, a therapist can be a wonderful thing during an emotional time like this. Check out what your health insurance covers and then make an appointment.

Cut off the conversation

The truth is not everyone in your life is going to be someone you can talk about your divorce with. There will be people who want you to talk a ton of crap about your ex or people who will make you feel small for walking away from the relationship. There will be people who won’t be receptive to certain emotions of yours. And guess what? You don’t have to talk to them! Cut off the conversation as soon as you feel that something unhealthy is brewing. You 100% have the power to do that.

I’m sorry you’re going through this break up. But, know that you’re going to get through this and something really wonderful is coming your way soon.

Photo credit: David Blackwell. / CC BY-ND