Matchmaking 101 - Office Hours with Lisa Clampitt

Feedback: Your Ticket to Relationship Success

Hands demonstrating communicating and giving feedback between partnersHave you ever started a new job or project without getting feedback from an outside eye? With no one to consult with regarding your efforts, you are left in a constant state of worry about if you are doing a good job. With no benchmark to measure if you are on the right track, it’s easy to become that obnoxious person looking to anyone and everyone for reassurance.

How could anyone succeed in this type of environment?!

This is why athletes have coaches, why students meet with their teachers to go over their assignments, and why employees have advisors they meet with on a regular basis.

When we are so accustomed to getting feedback in order to be more successful in our endeavors, why is it that when it comes to dating and relationships we are expected to go at it alone?

With a matchmaker by your side, you no longer have to feel this isolation. A crucial part of my job is to follow up with my clients after each date to see how it went. I ask for feedback from each of them, and use this information to coach my clients towards dating success.

This direct approach beats speculating with your friends for hours over cocktails about why your date never returned your last phone call.

It can be strange at first to have a third party join your search for love, but the outside eye and feedback that I provide is invaluable. I am able to directly ask the person you went on a date with how they felt about you. You would never get this kind of feedback otherwise. This direct approach beats speculating with your friends for hours over cocktails about why your date never returned your last phone call.

Think about it: If you’ve been having trouble getting past a third date, and it was because of something that could easily be altered, wouldn’t you want to know so that you change your approach?

Before I got married, I remember going out on dates with two different men, both of whom never called me again. I then went out with a third guy and told him about my past dating troubles. We both laughed, and he said, “I can’t believe they didn’t call you back! You seem awesome.”

I obviously replied, “I KNOW!”

After that night, he never called me again.

I would have given anything to receive feedback on what I was doing wrong.


Here are two great behind the scenes examples of how feedback can turn a dating situation around:

  1. A few weeks back, I was working with a very kind, successful, and handsome male client. I matched him with a few different women, and after each date I asked the women about their experience. Each of them had the same answer; they were not attracted to my client at all.

    At first, this didn’t make any sense. He was such a great catch! When I dug deeper, and heard more about how he acted on his dates, I quickly realized that my client was not giving off an alpha male vibe. Women are attracted to strong, sexy men who take the lead. He was losing their interest by deferring to them too often on the date, and by being very passive.

    With this knowledge, I was able to coach my client to alter his approach. I advised him to take more initiative in the planning of his dates. He took charge, and set up a really fun night out for the next girl I matched him with. They ended up having an amazing time. She later told me that it was the best date she had ever been on.

  2. This next story is an example of an extremely common problem that a lot of my clients face. I was working with a very beautiful woman, and after setting her up on a few dates, each man she went out with kept giving me the same feedback about her. They all said that she talked about her ex-boyfriend constantly, which was a huge turn off.

    I sat her down, and had a discussion with her about how this habit was holding her back from having more successful relationships. We worked on a way to curb her habit, and her next few dates led to her finding a long-term boyfriend.


So, do you see what I mean? With a little feedback and coaching from a Matchmaker (or Date Coach!), a whole new world of dating and relationship possibilities will open their doors to you.

The Matchmaking Institute can help you find a Matchmaker to work with in your area.

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