I’ve been reading Not That Kind of Girl, Lena Dunham’s book of personal essays. I know there’s a lot of controversy surrounding the book, but one thing that no one will disagree on, not even the author, is that Lena Dunham is an oversharer. She seems to have no filter between what she thinks in her head and what comes out of her mouth. Or, in this case, between her brain and what her fingers type on the page. As a reader and a viewer of Girls, her show on HBO, I love that. But, reading her book, I can’t help but wonder what her friends, family and especially boyfriend think about Lena’s oversharing. And it got me thinking about you all and what I can do to help those of you dating an oversharing dude. He’s what I think you should do.
Talk to him
Duh, right? You knew I was going to say this. What you need to realize is that your oversharing man doesn’t know that he’s oversharing. He thinks he’s just sharing what’s normal. So, let him know what he’s said to friends that felt like oversharing to you. Or point out the examples on social media of stuff you wish he hadn’t Facebooked or Tweeted. Talk to him about what felt uncomfortable for you, why it felt uncomfortable and how you want him to handle situations that could result in oversharing in the future.
Set clear boundaries
The truth is that your man is going to have to share something about your relationship. It would be weird if he didn’t talk about you at all. So, you need to be clear with him about what you’re comfortable with other people knowing about your relationship and what you’re not. For example, you can tell him all things sexual are off limits. Or that you don’t want pictures of yourself in bathing suits on social media. Or conversations you have about your career or personal matters with your family are not for others. Be very specific about what you want to keep private. Also, when certain touchy conversations or incidents happen, you might want to give him a gentle reminder that this isn’t for public consumption.
Leave if you feel exploited
If you’ve expressed how you feel about his oversharing and why you want him to stop and he repeatedly refuses to respect your wishes, you have to get out there. This guy is flat out disrespecting you and you’re worth so much more than that, lady! Leave this blabbermouth-ed loser and get with a guy who will prioritize making you feel comfortable.
If you’ve read Not That Kind of Girl, let me know what you think in the comments. I’m dying to talk about it with someone and none of my friends have read it yet!
