Relationships

Girl next door vs. mean girl: What gets you farther?

The girl next door vs. the mean girl. Round 9,167. Ding, ding, ding. Fight on. Doesn’t it seem like these two personas are always pitted against each other? I’m always getting questions about what type of women men are most attracted to. Nice girls? Mean girls? Shy girls? Aggressive women? Maternal women? Bitches? And my answer is yes. Always yes. I’m a firm believer that there’s a lid for every pot. So there’s a guy for every type of girl. That being said, there are some general things I like to think about when deciding between the girl next door vs. the mean girl debate.

What’s your goal?

Ten out of 10 men will say they want a woman to make the first move. And they really do. But do they want to seriously date an overly aggressive woman? Ask your couple friends. How many of their relationships started with the woman making the first move? I bet it’s way less than that 10 out of 10 number. So figure out what you want. If you’re gunning for a long-term relationship though, you might want to try going for the more traditional gender roles. Men are born to hunt and go for the woman they want. They like the chase. I’m not saying be overly coy or completely hide your personality to snag him. Learn to flirt and send the signals that say, “Come make your move!” But obeying traditional gender roles and letting him take the lead at first can be the easiest way to start a relationship. That’s not to say that I haven’t met couples who give the first-move trophy to the woman. There’s always an exception to the rule.

What’s his normal?

I grew up next door to a really aggressive girl, moreso than myself. To this day, Marcy Sempkin is the bossiest person I’ve ever met, and she was bonkers competitive when it came to capture the flag. So any guy who grew up in my neighborhood might think that the girl next door is really aggressive. Seriously though, what he perceives as aggressive will just depend on what he perceives as normal. For example, I don’t have a brother, but if I did, he’d obviously be very used to strong women, and for him, a girl next door might be more aggressive and assertive than for someone who grew up with meeker females in his family.

Who are you?

The only way you’re going to get somewhere real in a relationship is to be yourself. Sure, acting a little coy on the first date and letting him choose the second date location, even when you’re perfectly competent of picking a restaurant, is fine. That’s part of the dating game. But hiding or changing your personality just because you think he’s going to like you more isn’t going to work in the end. Let the real you shine. There’s a guy out there who will appreciated you for you. You just need to find him. And I suggest you aggressively look for him… even if you’re not an aggressive woman in relationships.

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  • Erin

    Patti –
    I have tried to let men hunt. Unfortunately, I guess, I am usually at the bar. I’m a very intelligent and relatively attractive woman (guy friends say anything from 7-9), but very few men even approach me. It makes me feel like I HAVE to be the one to make the first move. Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I can do better? Or to make me seem less intimidating (if that’s what the issue is)?
    Thanks
    Erin