Relationships

My personal tips for dating after 50

The truth is that dating after 50 is different than dating when you’re younger. It’s not different on bad terms though. It’s just different. You need to go into the post-50 dating scene with a very different perspective than you’ve had before. Here are my tips for getting the most out of your post-50 dating life. (And really, there’s a lot to get if you do it right.)

Age is just a number

We all have an idea of who we think our ideal mate would be, and often that ideal image comes with an ideal age. You think you’re going to wind up with someone this many years older than you are or this many years younger. Here’s what I have to say to that. Take those expectations, crumple them up and throw them out the window. Once you hit 50, age is just a number. It’s not the indicator of maturity or life stage, like it was in your 20s and 30s. You have to open your eyes to dating older and younger too.

Baggage ain’t no thang

When I was younger, I wouldn’t deal with any baggage in a man. Even if he had an ex-girlfriend he was kind of hung up on, I’d write him off. It wasn’t until I turned 50 that I realized that baggage wasn’t always a bad thing. Baggage means that the guy has loved before, invested in a partner and knows how to care. How I ever could have seen that as a negative, I have no idea.

Go full throttle

If you’re going to date over 50, you really need to date. I mean really go for it. Get online. Ask your friends to set you up. Get involved in group activities. You’re not in college anymore, and cute guys aren’t going to literally walk through your door. You’ve got to go out and find them. Get on your feet, 50-year-old women. Make it happen!

Sexy still

Just because men are old doesn’t mean they’re any more evolved. Their pecker is still doing the picking. So you’ve got to get that pecker up. Don’t show up to first dates in a T-shirt you got for free from a Red Bull street marketing campaign. (My friend actually did this and then honestly wondered why the date didn’t go well. I was like, “Um, I think your free shirt had about 100 percent to do with it.”) Get dolled up and look hot for your dates. That’s never going to change. Even if you’re dating in the nursing home.

Easy does it

Dating when you’re over 50 isn’t the speed race dating in your 20s and 30s was. Serious relationships when you’re 50-plus move like glaciers, from my experience. I think a lot of that comes from fear. A broken heart at 30 feels a lot different than a broken heart at 50. It’s a scary thought which is why I think the older you get, the slower the pace of your relationships. But trust me, the wait is well worth it. Love after 50 is the best. I’ve never been happier! And I hope you can find this happiness too.

Tags

  • Robin Davis

    Dear Patti, my best friend and I are in the midst of starting our own dating service for the middle working class to blue collar singles. My best friend BettyeJo and I are still single at the age of 49 but we are awesome at setting up our friends and strangers and co-workers. We plan on opening our business with anxiety to the max. Do you have any advice for me and my partner?

    BTW I work for Great Expectation as an office asssitant in Atlant 20 yrs ago! How crazy is that!..lol

    Thank you for any advice
    Robinlyn

  • Ronne

    I agree with many of Patti’s comments of dating over 50. Unfortunately, the pool to choose from is very slim, and men over 50 are clueless about how to date, don’t want to put out any effort, and hold lots of anger towards their exes. I’m all for dating younger men; they have less fear, more adventure…more open minded than older men.

  • teddie

    I’m with you, Patti! You have to get out there. Baggage is certainly part of everyone’s thang (yes, you too) so it’s worth knowing who’s carrying what (a discussion or two, though not early). And EVERYTHING is still possible for a woman who carries herself well and knows her own value. One of the smartest bits of advice given me was this: The most beautiful woman in the room is the most confident woman in the room (and its corrollary: fake it till you make it). It works, you’re worth it…go get ‘em!

  • yvonne visca

    I am over 50 as well as my “boyfriend”. I just finish reading your advice(love U Patti) and I realize that relationship smove SLOW. We have know each other for 4 yrs. and went out briefly at that time. We have been going out for 7months now and are together basically everyday. He leave next door. I feel because of the amount of time we spend together and my boyfriend knows that I am looking for something serious that he should have said something in that vain. Is it too soon? what is your advice Patti Please.

  • Lydia

    THANK YOU SO MUCH! I’m post-50 & struggling to start dating again after a 5 year lapse. Some very PRACTICAL & INSPIRING advice!