When should you have sex with a new guy?

I get asked about when’s the right time to have sex in a new relationships a lot. Like, A LOT a lot! It’s definitely in the top three concerns women have about dating someone new. So, you’d think that by now I’d have a short and sweet answer to tell all my girls when exactly is the right time to have sex with a new guy. Sorry to break it to you, but I don’t. It’s not a simple matter of time or a neat line up of benchmarks you need to hit. It’s a mix of a lot of different factors that can all add up to the perfect time for sex. Here are the five factors I think you should consider when you’re thinking about first time sex with a new boo.

When it’s not the first date

Look, if you need to get yours on a one night stand, I’ll support you. But, don’t think that’s going to turn into a meaningful relationship. If you’re on a first date with a man and you want to give yourself a chance at a relationship with him, don’t drop your panties on date one. Call me old school. I don’t care. I know this is true!

When you’re exclusive

Absolutely no sex—of any kind—until the two of you have a discussion of exclusivity. I know that this is a touchy thing to bring up early in a relationship, but come on! Sex is intimate. If you’re not comfortable enough talking about your feelings and asking for a small level of commitment, then you shouldn’t be comfortable taking off your clothes and letting him inside you. Sorry! That’s just the truth.

When you’ve both been tested

We’re living in 2018 and the facts are that STDs are very present and very preventable. All you have to do is get tested and have your partner get tested and you’re in the clear. Why wouldn’t you do that? The risks are so massive and the steps to avoid the risks are so miniscule.

When you’re sober

My rule of no more than two drinks on a first date applies to the night you have sex for the first time too. It’s fine to be feeling your wine a bit that night, but don’t let yourself get wrecked before sex. First of all, that’s really unsafe for you. And second of all, if you’re so nervous that you need to get drunk to have sex, maybe the time isn’t quite right. Or the guy isn’t quite right.

When you’re ready

I know I’m the expert here, but there is an X-factor about your sex life that only you can figure out. You know if and when you’re ready and you shouldn’t feel like you need to have sex before that. Every relationship is different, too. Just because you had sex three weeks in with your last boyfriend doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing to wait three months with this new guy. Trust your gut. It always knows best.

Best of luck with your new men, ladies. As stressful as the first time sex decision can be, you should also celebrate that you’ve found a guy you want to have sex with! Lots of single ladies out there would be thrilled to be in your shoes!