Relationships

Should his past determine your relationship’s future?

As you probably know, I’m way into the Bachelorette! I’m convinced Rachel is going to be the best Bachelorette of all time. I love her confidence, drive and suffer-no-fools attitude. Plus, I really like her age. She’s the oldest Bachelorette the series has ever had on and I’m so supportive of that. 31 is a fantastic age to meet the person you’re going to spend your life with. Much better than 24, in my opinion. And her race is a welcome change because #BacheloretteSoWhite. In the latest episode, one of Rachel’s suitors, DeMario, had an ex-girlfriend (or ex-friends-with-benefits…kinda unclear) come onto the show and reveal that he never truly ended things with her. Clearly, he was done with her and not cheating on Rachel with her, but the ex found out they were no longer together when she saw DeMario on After the Final Rose. That’s a crappy way to end things and reveals really unsavory things about DeMario’s character. When she found out, Rachel confronted DeMario, didn’t get a good enough explanation and kicked DeMario to the curb. I’m all for every single one of her moves there. But, it did get me thinking…should your man’s relationship past play a role in your relationship’s future. I think it should and shouldn’t, depending. Here are the questions you need to ask yourself to find out what his past means for your relationship.

How long ago?

The past is the past, except for when it’s the recent past. Then, it’s kinda the present. If your man cheated on a girlfriend in high school and you two are 36 now, I don’t think you need to question his morals. People change, especially as they become adults. But, in Rachel’s case on the show, the bad cheating behavior was two weeks prior to her finding out. That’s way too close for comfort. Think about who your man was when he messed up previously and who he is now. Has there been enough time between then and now for him to change into a different person?

What did he learn?

Mistakes obviously aren’t great things in general, but they are great learning opportunities, if you take advantage of them. In DeMario’s case, he really did not. Instead of realizing that he needs to treat people better if he wants to land a quality partner like Rachel, he focused on how this whole situation “assassinated his character.” I mean, come on! The only person who assassinated DeMario’s character was DeMario! But if your man has learned his lesson and takes full responsibility for his behavior, then I think it’s fine to leave his past life in the past and move on without worrying about his previous bad behavior.

Can you trust him?

Trust is the ultimate foundation of any romantic relationship. Once you find out about his previous behavior, you need to ask yourself if you can trust him. In DeMario’s case, the answer is a clear no. The guy kept lying to Rachel’s face even once he was totally exposed! He made absolutely no sense. But, if your man owns up to his behavior and is honest with you now, you can’t hold his past against him. Old dogs may not be able to learn new tricks, but they can wisen up and stop doing the same stupid old tricks. You just need to be able to trust they won’t go back to their stupid old ways.

Once you ask yourself those three questions, you should know exactly how much of a role his past should play in both of your presents.

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