I got an email from Petra today.
She was curious about something, and I’m going to share it with you.
David, What’s your advice for communicating online with guys who are very general with their conversations? For example, hi, how are you? How was your day? Etc.
When you make the effort to respond and be more inquisitive, they just answer your questions, but don’t ask much about you or give you much to work with to keep the conversation going.
Are they shy? Should I keep trying to make conversation, or just move on?
Here’s what I want you to do.
For any of you who run across this, know that this is a very common thing, not only with men, but with women too.
I’ve come across women online who have the same boring personality, the same non-inquisitive way of communicating. They are usually the ‘one-word responders’. Ask them a thoughtful question about their life, and get a single word in response. It’s an instant attraction killer.
I want you to use your imagination for a moment. When you stumble across a conversation like this online, I want you to close your eyes and imagine what it would be like to sit opposite this person at a table having a drink or dinner.
Imagine that when you ask them a question, they answer back with a one word answer, and ask you nothing about yourself.
Are they shy? Are they just plain boring?
There are people out there who are just boring. They’re not great communicators. If someone is not asking you how your day was, or not responding to a question, and they’re not inquisitive, imagine being in a relationship with them.
Let’s take it one step further.
You come home from work. He’s on the sofa. He’s watching the evening news and eating some popcorn before dinner.
You walk in and say, how was your day? He says, good. and continues to eat the popcorn and watch the evening news.
As you sit there in front of the television having dinner, you’re communicating about nothing. In fact you’re not communicating at all.
Before you go to bed, he wants to have sex, so he gives you about four minutes of the best sex he can conjure up.
You’ve haven’t connected with him at all. You sat on the sofa, watched him eat popcorn, watched him watch TV, watched him eat dinner, and then you get to watch him on top of you sweating and giving you some of the worst sex you’ve ever had in your entire life.
That’s your relationship moving forward with this man.
There are people who are not great conversationalists. There are people who are just boring. They’re shy. Whatever label you want to give it, you’re not into it.
You need to move on and say the magical four letter word that all of us need to use. And it’s not help.
The magical four letter word you need to use when a situation like this arises is…
When you learn the magic word of next, you’re not going to force feed a relationship, and you’re not going to have a future of watching him eating popcorn, watching the news, watching some damn, dumb sitcom and having bad sex later that night.
You deserve better. You deserve more.