Celebrity Corner

3 things Beyonce’s stance teaches us about relationships

solange_beyonceWe’ve all been there. That first time we bring our significant other home to meet the family can be a nerve-wracking experience. But getting past the initial intro isn’t the hardest part – it’s making sure your family stays in love (or in like…or simply tolerant) of the new addition.

One small thing – your crazy brother making an off-color joke, your mom letting something slip about your past relationship – can derail an otherwise on-track train.

Which brings me to Solange Knowles, the younger sister of Beyonce Knowles. Following one of fashion’s biggest nights, the annual Met Gala in New York City, Solange punched, kicked and screamed her way into a major altercation with Jay Z, who’s married to her sister. Seen on an elevator surveillance video leaked from an afterparty at the Standard Hotel, Solange went at Jay Z guns blazing.

Did he tell her she had too much to drink? Did he compliment Beyonce but not Solange? Did he do anything to provoke her? That answer remains to be seen. All we know for sure is that Beyonce left with Solange, not her hubs, and that Bey stood in that elevator between her husband and sister and appeared to do nothing while the two went head to head.

Critics jumped immediately on Queen Bey, but her decision to stay out of it could have been the best one she made. Taking sides and choosing a romantic partner over a family member can cause rifts that are impossible to mend. Here are three things to remember when your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend brawls with someone in your family:

1. Stand back

At least during the initial blow-up. While it may kill you to watch two people you love fight, take some time to develop a plan of attack for smoothing things over – not breaking it up while it is happening. Unless, of course, there is bloodshed, in which case call the cops and a therapist for yourself. Booking a spa appointment after witnessing something like that usually helps too.

2. Keep your opinions to yourself.

This has never been more important than in this instance. No matter who you believe is wrong or who you believe is right, do not express your opinions to either side. Share them with your friends, with your cat, with the homeless person who camps out near your office. But do not share with either party or anyone close to either party. If the people fighting love you enough they will put their argument aside with time and move on, and when they do you don’t want to ignite a separate argument about what you told one about the other.

3. Validate each side.

Communicate to each person that you support them, love them, but you are going to stay out of it. Tell a white lie and let them know you have no opinion about who’s wrong or right, and the only opinion you have is that everyone should kiss and make-up – ASAP.

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  • Jeannette

    Who wrote this article? If a Woman wants to be in a happy and healthy relationship and her husband doesn’t defend her honor if she squabbles with his family, trust me when I say that that couple most likely won’t last or that female will not respect her husband afterwards. Now, I am not condoning arguing with a spouses family, I think it’s a no no, there are better ways to solve an issue. But I’m imagining a Woman getting into an argument with her husbands family member and that husband saying, according to this article, “I’m staying out of it.’ Shoot…He minds as well end the relationship right then and there LOL.

    • nealnoray

      Yeah Jeannette, but there is Eurocentric , gender bias here, from this writer.That rule , is only applicable for males ,with the nutty families.The look in the photo, from Beyonce towards , her drunken , out of control sisters, speak strongly of her disdain/disgust, and quickly fading tolerance.
      Got to give BEy Bey some credit.Muy sophisticated, for a high school drop out. College is so overrated

      • Jeannette

        So are you saying that the writer is basing it on a woman dealing with her spouse in a squabble with her sibling, such as the situation with Beyonce in the middle of Jay Z and Solange? Okay, I can understand your point. If that is the case. The writer wasn’t gender specific. I know that if I got into an argument with my Husbands sibling (although I don’t do such things) but if I did, I’d expect him to side with me…his wife. Whereas in this article, the author stated that the spouse to stay out of it. I don’t know one person who would accept their spouse not taking their side, but hey, that’s just me. But I will say this, that in this situation with it happening in a public elevator, Beyonce’s behavior was appropriate. But, that doesn’t mean that in private she didn’t tell her sister off LOL.

    • Bakes

      Grown people should be able to hash out their own problems with other grown people on their own.
      If not only are you unable to perform that simple task, but alienating my family every time you get into an argument with them is also requisite to our relationship, i cant say i want to be with you anyway. deuces.

      • Jeannette

        A HUGE difference between talking about ‘grown people’ and married people. A married person always wants to know that what issue they have with someone else, their spouse is on their side….PERIOD

        • Bakes

          no there isnt. Grown people dont become a different species just because theyre married, thats the most absurd thing i’ve ever heard. Dont care what our relationship is, if you’re wrong or i dont agree with you im not just going to be on your side. that’s stupid. A spouse is someone you share your life with, not someone you sacrifice your life to. You dont want a spouse, you want a yes-man. There IS a huge difference between those.

          • Jeannette

            I don’t even engage in altercations or arguments and aren’t surrounded by people who do. I have no idea what you are talking about stating that I need to surround myself with more mature people. But what I do know is relationships and marriage. It doesn’t matter who started what, a spouse will always want you to side with them. Instead of debating with me, get out there and experience it. Talk to married people whose relationship’s you respect. Trust me when I say that it doesn’t matter if they started the mess or argument, a spouse will always want you on their side…period. I’m done with this discussion. You have ever right to feel the way you do and I’ve got every right to mine. I’ve stated my point and it is not going to change. I’ve got a life to live and I’m going to live it….Happily LOL…Have a good day 🙂

          • Bakes

            One’s world view is comprised of one’s experience. If in your mind, people resolving their differences on their own with civility and maturity and without the blind and uninformed intervention of their significant others only happens in an “ideal” world, then i can only conclude that the people in your circle need to grow up. Either that, or you made up a BS statement that you dont even believe just for the sake of argument to support a dumb point. Really the only two things it could be.

            You dont know relationships and marriage, you know relationships and marriage that would be ideal to you. there’s a difference. I’m kind of interested in the success rate of your ideals thus far, but asking is somewhat rude so i wont.

            but i also will not go out and find a controlling person i cant stand and start a relationship with them just so you can feel your very narrow opinion is validated.

            I’m happy with who i am currently with and vice versa, and neither of us expects each other to fight one another’s battles. More often than not, that will happen anyway whether we expect it or not, because we love each other and tend to agree; but in the case we dont and the un-involved party chooses to stay that way, we wont be breaking up. we believe in autonomy. “relationship” and “remote control” aren’t synonyms to us.