Everyone I seem to talk to has the same feeling: Dating has become so hard. It seems like nobody wants to commit anymore, and it seems to be a challenge every single step of the way. You can blame the dating apps. You can blame Tinder, and Bumble, and Hinge, and all the choices that people have. Because for the very, very first time in history, men and women have a ridiculous amount of choices available to them.
At any given moment, a man or a woman can get on a dating app and get a potential date.
See, everybody on the dating apps constantly talks about how much they hate the dating apps.
And yet, most people are on them consistently!
Men and women go out on a date and if just one thing isn’t right, well, in the olden days, it used to be very simple. You know, let me figure out this person a little bit more. Let me see if this person’s really great. Maybe this thing that I don’t like tonight might have just been because they’re nervous or excited.
But now? We evaluate each other immediately. Wait, she’s got a lazy eye. I don’t like that, I’m going to back on the dating app and I am going to swipe for somebody who’s perfect.
You see the dating apps were actually created because people in general are always searching for perfection. They’ve been marketed the “perfect partner.”
They’ve been marketed the “perfect love.”
The perfect romance. The perfect everything. And the dating apps fall right into that ideal.
But you see, there is no perfect person.
Look in the mirror.
Are you perfect?
I don’t think you are.
Then why are you constantly swiping and looking for somebody who is perfect?
There is no perfect. The thing that you need to realize is that this paradox choice that we have is just that. A paradox of choice. It’s too much stimulus in our world nowadays.
There are too many speakers to look for when we’re looking for a pair of wireless speakers. Should we get bluetooth? Or should we get airplay? Or should we get this?
When we shop for cars, it seems like everybody, or every car manufacturer, has the same cars. The one line, two line, the three line, the four line, the five line. Are any of them even any different?
I don’t think so.
But what we’re doing here is just choosing the perfect car we want. We’re doing it with dating. We really are under the illusion that there is somebody that we can find who’s going to be perfect.
And don’t get me wrong. It has affected me in many ways as well, also.
I am somebody who has no trouble meeting women. I enjoy it, I love it. As a matter of fact, it’s always been my favorite hobby.
And for years I went on and off with swipes.
Why did I go on and off with swipes? Why not?
When there’s an abundance in women out there that want to meet me, just maybe, I can find the perfect one.
We all fall into it, and we’re all falling into the trap. And the trap is a very dangerous trap.
Because we can literally pick people apart the minute we meet them, because we know with all the options or apparent options that we have, we can go home that night and find what we perceive to be better.
And that is dangerous.
Relationships that should’ve happened are not happening.
The reason why they’re not happening? Well, it’s because we truly believe that we have an abundance of people we can meet. And at the same time, people are staying home and they’re lonelier than ever before.
And that is the cold hard truth. Less relationships are formed now than they were ten years ago. Because of the dating apps, because of all the people that are, apparently, free and single.
It’s a complete illusion.
The next time you’re on a dating app, think to yourself: when I go out with this new person tonight, maybe I’ll give them a little bit of a chance. Who knows, something good may come from it.
You might actually get involved in a relationship, instead of consistently having a paradox of choice.