Generally, my clients hire me to find them matches because they want love, but are too over scheduled to put in the legwork themselves. And I’m a great solution when it comes to outsourcing your search for the one. I can sort through eligible women and men, make certain that you’re not wasting time on people who don’t check off all of your non-negotiables, and give tips and tricks that will make a first date stand out. That definitely helps my busy clients find love. But, what I can’t help a busy person do is actually be present in a relationship. That takes time and energy that I unfortunately can’t short cut for my clients. What I can off them (and you!) is my five tips for what to do when you don’t have time for your relationship. After all, helping busy people means that I’m a busy person myself, so the struggle is real for me too.
Talk about it
When you’re a busy person in a relationship, managing expectations is the key to success. Through clear communication, let your partner know what they can expect from you in terms of time and energy you’re willing and able to put into the relationship. And get a sense of how they feel about your availability levels. Explain to them why your job or family or hobby takes up so much of you time and how you envision this relationship fitting into your established life. As long as you’re open and clear and check back in with your partner on their satisfaction levels regularly, you’ll be setting yourself up for busy-friendly relationship success.
Plan a lot
When you’re a busy person, like I am, nothing happens unless it’s pre-planned. I’m so swamped with work and my girlfriends, that any man I date can’t surprise me with a last minute trip to Cabo or even a home cooked meal when I walk in the door. My weekends are packed with plans months in advance and I probably ate at the office already. So, if you’re busy, or if you’re dating a busy person, take out your calendars and plan your relationship out. Set up a weekly date night or plan your holiday travel now. You might even want to plan out when you’re going to have sex. Don’t be embarrassed to plan out what you need to. I’m not! I know that if it’s not on my calendar, it’s not happening. So, when I’m in a relationship I want to succeed, I schedule just about every element of it!
Date by proxy
If you’re swamped at work and chained to your desk for a period of time, you don’t have to let the romance die. You can be romantic even if you’re not in person to do the romancing. Send flowers or their favorite lunch for your boo’s office. Text a lot. Call them if you have five free minutes. Basically, treat your relationship like a long distance relationship when you don’t have the time for it. It will get you through those extended extremely busy spells.
When you do have time together, make it count. Agree to put your phones away and really focus on each other. Also, try to do stuff together that bonds you guys and moves your relationship forward. Go on trips. Try new things. Snuggle a lot. You don’t have time to waste, so don’t waste a second of it! Be really present with your boo when you can and it will hopefully count enough to make up for some of the time you’re not together.
Take a long look at your calendar and then take a long look in the mirror. Ask yourself if you really have time for a relationship. I’ve had stretches of my life when I’ve known that I couldn’t make time for love. And that’s a sad thing to admit, but it’s true. When I realizes that, I had to take time to myself to get my priorities straight before I jumped back into the dating game. Are you honestly too busy to give yourself to someone romantically? If you are, you need to back away from your relationship and any romantic relationship until you can sort your schedule out to make time for love. It’s not fair to your boo to do anything else.
Hope that helps you figure out how to deal with a packed schedule and a full heart at the same time! Do your best to pencil in as much time as possible for your boo because your Outlook calendar can never love you back, you know?