Becoming part of your boo’s family is a big part of establishing a successful relationship. But, when your boo’s family is too big a part of your relationship, you’re at risk of having a less-than-successful relationship. If his family’s crossed the line from lovingly embracing you to lovingly suffocating you, here’s what to do.
Talk to him
First thing’s first, get on the same page with your man. Talking about his family can be sticky, so choose your words carefully. You might even want to write out what you’re planning on saying before you sit down for the convo, just to make sure you’re communicating what you want to be saying. Focus on what’s great about his family first and then get into specific examples of times they crossed the line. After that, move into how you wish they were involved. Then, talk about his ideal for his family’s involvement in your relationship. Compromise between what each of you thinks is the perfect family scenario to find the right version of perfect for the two of you.
Have him talk to them
Because it’s his family, I think it’s best for him to be the one to have the awkward chat with his family about the boundaries you’re drawing a couple. Trust him to know how to communicate with them. Also, you’ll probably want to sit this convo out to avoid their initial reactions to learning about your boundaries. It’s only natural for their gut reactions to be less than pleasant. You don’t need to hear that stuff.
Invite them in
Instead of focusing on what they’re no longer able to do vis-à-vis your relationship, celebrate when you’d like to include them. And be proactive about inviting them. After getting a talking to, they might be a bit timid about asking to be involved. So, invite them in when they’re welcome. Hopefully that will take the edge of the times they’re not on the guest list.
Know it’s on you
Their actions are on them, but your reaction is on you. Truly, they only affect your relationship if your boo and you let them. Try not to dwell on their bad behavior, nosiness or unsolicited advice. They’re them and you’re you guys. Don’t let them define any part of your relationship.
Good luck dealing with his family, girl. This is one of the most delicate parts of being in a relationship with someone else. But with the right plan, a lot of communication and a good attitude, you can navigate this!