Patti's Blog

My boyfriend is boring

boyfriendisboringI was at brunch, my all time favorite meal of the week, last weekend and one of my favorite girlfriends turned to me and said, “Brad is boring.” Brad is her boyfriend. And she wasn’t joking. She was dead serious and actually upset about it. We spent the rest of brunch dissecting the issue and I think I learned a lot about what to do when you think your boyfriend is becoming a little snoozey. We focused on three main questions that helped my girlfriend a lot. I hope they help you, if you’re dealing with this situation, too.

Do you still love him?

This is the main question that you should ask yourself whenever any relationship-shaking issue rears its ugly head. And it really is about loving him. So, focus on that. Don’t get distracted by not wanting to hurt his feelings or being afraid of being single again. Trust me, I know those feelings can be overwhelming, but you have to try to see through them deep down into your heart. If you think your boyfriend is a little boring now, but you still love him and are excited for a future with him, then work on fixing it. If you think he’s boring and because of that, you’ve fallen out of love with him and your future together doesn’t make much sense to you, then you know what to do. It’s going to be hard and sad, but you need to end it if the love isn’t there.

Is it him or your relationship?

If you still love your man, let’s get to fixing this issue. First, you need to identify if it’s really him that’s boring now, or is it your relationship? After a while, relationships can get stale and musty if you’re not putting a ton of attention into keeping the relationship exciting. And if it is the relationship that’s boring, then that’s both of your faults, not just his. Both of you need to put energy into fixing it. Start by talking to him and letting him know what’s bugging you and how you think you two can fix it together. My suggestion is to set up a weekly date night where you guys take turns planning dates. And those dates always have to involve trying something new. It doesn’t have to be something as exciting as skydiving every time. It can be trying a new cuisine, going to see an indie movie, or driving a few towns over and checking out their local diner instead of your usual joint. Go ahead and take the plunge of planning the first date, to show him how it’s done.

Can you spice him up?

If you do think it’s him that’s boring and not your relationship, think about what you can do to help spice him up. The first step in that is figuring out what’s made him boring all of the sudden. If he’s lost interest in things that used to excite him, it could be serious. He could be suffering from depression. So, that’s worth talking about and trying to help him through. If it’s just that he’s gotten way too into binge watching Netflix and forgotten about things like hiking, cooking, and talking to other humans, he might just need a little extra encouragement to shut off the television. Find something irresistible for the two of you to do together, maybe rock climbing lessons or a Groupon for a cool meal. Remind him of stuff he used to do and I bet it’ll light his fire again.

Another thing to realize is that boring isn’t necessarily bad. Some of the best relationships are boring. So, embrace a little snooziness!

Photo credit: dacian dorca-street photographie / CC BY