Relationships can be wonderful because you get double the joy, double the friends and double the fun. It’s a double-edged sword though, because you also get double the stress, double the pain and double the anxiety. As much as his dreams coming true mean your dreams come true, his suffering is also your suffering. It’s a big commitment to emotionally partner with someone because of these lows. Of course, the pluses should outweigh the minuses, but that doesn’t mean that the minuses aren’t there. They’re loud and proud and really hard to deal with. It becomes even more difficult when your man is in the dumps and you need support for something tough yourself. Here’s how to deal.
Validate his pain
Even though you’re going through an issue, too, that doesn’t mean you should tune out what your man is dealing with. His problem may not be as big as yours, or it could be bigger. But, that doesn’t matter. Comparing your suffering and declaring a winner isn’t going to get either of you anywhere. Instead, make sure he knows that you’re there for him. This is a stressful period for him and he needs to know that he can count on you as a partner and support system. Mirror back to him what he needs and you’ll be doing your part as his number one.
Of course, validating his struggle doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t deal with yours or expect equal love back from him. Know that he may be a little blind to your issue if he’s dealing with his own things. So, don’t be upset if you have to communicate very directly about what you’re going through and what you need from him. Just because you have to tell him how to show his love for you doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you any less. It just means that he needs help to help you the in the best way. So, explain to him what you’re dealing with and how he can best help you out.
Look for other support
Even though you have your man, he can’t be the only important person in your life. One person can’t give you everything. You should spread your needs around a bit. Be sure you have other people in your life you can turn to for help and support when you need it. This isn’t just true when your man is dealing with stress at the same time you are, but it is especially true then. Call up family or close friends and ask them for the strength you need when your romantic relationship can’t provide it. Doing this doesn’t show any weakness in your relationship, it shows strength in your abilities to take care of yourself.
I hope that helps those of you who are stressed out and deal with a dude who’s stressed out at the same time. Good luck. You guys will get through this, I know it!