Patti's Blog

How not to ruin new love

He just said “I love you” and you said it back. You two are officially in love! After the knee-melting first date kiss, this is one of my absolute favorite parts of a relationship. Everything is all flower deliveries, cutesy conversations, and schmoopy boopiness. I love it and I bet you do, too. Most girls do! And if you don’t want to end this new love phase too early, keep a few things in mind.

Don’t get too comfortable

The second he says “I love you” isn’t your cue to let all of your deepest, dirtiest secrets loose. Save that for after he says, “I do.” Really, there are certain things— like your at-home Brazilian waxes or those grannie only-wear-them-overnight panties— that you should keep private for a while longer. Of course, if this guy is your forever guy, he’s going to be privy to every part of your life at some point. I’m just saying: A couple who’s been in love for two weeks has a very different relationship than a couple who’s been in love for two decades. So, treat it differently.

Make sure he feels the love

You’ve said “I love you,” so he should know you love him, right? Well, per the wisdom of one of my all time favorite cheesy songs, sometimes you need “more than words.” Just because you said it, don’t stop showing it. The way you show your affection can be small and sometimes sexy. Send him a yummy dinner if you know he’s stuck at the office, surprise him with sexy lingerie and chocolate covered strawberries after a stressful day, or take care of an errand you know he’s dreading. (His mother’s birthday gift is always a good one.) Make sure he still feels the love instead of just hears it.

Forget past relationships

This probably isn’t your first time in love, but he should feel like it is. Don’t make assumptions about your current love situation based on the last wackadoo you dated. Sure, the last guy said I love you and then totally went MIA. That doesn’t mean this guy will. Or an ex might have started to smother you after the three big words were said — that doesn’t mean you need to distance yourself from the current man. Be sure you’re making all of your new love decisions based on this love and not letting ghosts of the past haunt you and the vibe between your new cutie.

Enjoy the moment

This is the time in the relationship when so many of my clients will get back in touch with me in full panics. I’ll get calls saying, “He said he loved me. Now when should I expect a ring?” Slow down, honey! Like I said before, this is one of my favorite parts of a relationship. Enjoy it! Don’t put pressure on your guy or your relationship by stressing about your future right away. Take the time to enjoy this new love bliss and the wonder that comes with it. Next-step-pressure can come down the road.

Don’t move in together

I don’t mean don’t ever move in together. Obviously, if everything goes well, that’s part of the plan. Just put it off for a while if you want to give your new love a chance to breathe. Nothing sucks the sweetness out of the honeymoon phase like credit checks, cable bills, and hair clogged drains. I say wait until the honeymoon phase dwindles before you move in together, because you’ll be forcing that chapter to end early if you don’t.

Now that you know how to keep your new love chugging, go off and chirp, chirp, chirp my little love chickadees.