Relationships

How to recover from a walk of shame

So you had a one-night stand. Good for you, girl. Consider this your virtual high five. I know, you might be surprised hearing me say that because I’m the captain of the no-sex-until-monogamy team. That rule only applies if you’re looking for a relationship. If you’re out to get yours, I’m fully in support of that… as long as you’re safe. But if you’re reading this, it probably means that you had a one-night stand and now you’re feeling icky about it. That happens sometimes. Something that’s a great idea at night can look a whole lot less great in the morning light. If you have the post-one-night-stand icks, here’s how to recover.

Wash that man right out of your hair

… and your phone and your thoughts. Your one-night-stand guy isn’t your forever guy, that’s for sure. So stop thinking about him. You did what you did and it was fun, but it wasn’t meaningful. You’re moving on up to a real relationship that starts on the firm groundwork of monogamy before getting physical, and step one is to get over this little fling. Don’t call him, don’t Facebook friend him and do your best not to think about him.

Make a plan

I know this makes me sound super type A, and that’s totally because I am. You need to make a plan for meeting a new man. I’m no fortuneteller, but I can certainly tell you that you’re not going to meet a new guy by sitting around in your apartment not having one-night stands. Start online dating, join a running club, hang out at places like steak house bars where real men spend time. Get strategic about meeting the kind of man you want to spend more than one night with. When I was in my dating prime, I even made a little schedule for myself detailing when, where and what I was doing on which days to meet dudes. And it really, really worked.

Safeguard yourself

If you’re prone to one-night stands, take some precautions so that it doesn’t happen again. Offer to be the designated driver when you go out so you don’t get too drunk and make the wrong decisions. Wear gross granny panties so you’re too embarrassed to take a stranger home. Do whatever it takes to make sure you stay away from going home with anyone you’re really interested in so that you can turn that interest into an actual date.

Don’t beat yourself up

One-night stands are nothing to be ashamed of. Even the walk of shame is nothing to be ashamed of. You’re on the path for love, and it’s bound to be bumpy. Making mistakes is part of the game. And not all one-night stands are mistakes. You learn something from them, and they inform the rest of your love life. Don’t be upset with yourself for having one, and don’t let your heart linger on the guy for too long. Another guy just as magnetically attractive will come along, and you two will wait until you’re committed to each other before having sex and it will be amazing. I promise!

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  • *Fancy*

    Hello Patti …how do I handle the criticism from the same guy I’ve been seeing for 2.5 yrs [on and off very rocky relationship] regarding “our” one night stand.

    He says he didn’t want to. I did; I had been celibate for 18 years and then decided to rejoin the dating world. He was my first date, I liked him, we had a good time and I’m still glad I did.

    He likes to play any power hand he can muster. It’s a long story but I tolerate his shortcomings although in this regard I would like to permanently shut his mouth.

    I know …it’s ridiculous, but do you have a solution?
    Thanks for your consideration.

  • Kris

    Although I disagree with your rule mostly, I usually don’t think one night stands are great, I don’t know seems inconsistent with your rule, even if I support if 90-99%, the idea could be that sex without foreplay or at least a relationship ends up dull and not supportive this being worse like prostitution without the money or getting that little high even though you really aren’t happy, how often does a one night stand occur, is it bad to one in a while sleep with someone else or someone else’s partner like vernon hopson who moved from america to mexico due to particular discrimination and could be called no less a gentleman or patriot (book worth reading).

    It’s not of being ashamed in a moral sense, just being a bit depressed at the end and not being satisfied but this time you did something and put an effort, and then of course how many one night stands will occur and how often, one next month or next week?