So you’ve been hurt before and someone you deeply loved has let you down. You find yourself guarded after your last relationship and still a bit in denial. Where do you go from here? Your intuition is telling you to be cautious about who you let into your future, which has its benefits such as helping you weave out any bad apples that come your way. However, it can also hinder your personal growth. This is a fine line you’re walking. The truth is, being overly cautious causes you to hold onto the past and fear for the future, causing you to miss out on someone great walking into your life and sticking around for your future.
So how do you let go of your past so that it doesn’t affect your future? I always say, your mind loves to play tricks on you and the idea of the future is always worse than the reality of it. Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.
Frankly, the way I see it, letting go of your past pain to make way for an open and positive future (and hopefully a positive and healthy new relationship) rests in the following mindset:
Yes the breakup has made you a vulnerable person and yes you are more guarded and closed because of it. This distrust of the other person has left you painfully scared to ever let another person in because really, there is no way to truly know a person completely and that fact is scary. So you’ve had your reasons to distrust in general and are not looking to let anyone in right now, which is understandable because you had a relationship with someone you were deeply in love with and you now feel betrayed and how easy is it to trust your judgment again?
Not wanting to let anyone in as a result of being scared and overly guarded is not necessarily about not trusting others anymore, if you really think about it, the truth is that this fear of the future and trusting again is not about others, it’s about your judgment.
No matter if it’s a friend or a lover, your judgment was that ‘I’m certain’ that this is a good person. So the reality of it is that it’s not just about trusting other people it’s ultimately about trusting yourself and your own judgment.
Perhaps it’s time to trust your judgment again and know that you have learned from your past to make way for a positive future. It’s time to assess if these walls you’ve put up are worth keeping.
Yes, breakups make us all vulnerable and scared for what is to come, but this can inhibit our personal growth and cause us to really miss out on deepening our current and future relationships, a reality that is riskier than the risk of trusting someone new.
If you find yourself needing a navigator after your last breakup because you aren’t sure how to trust again, maybe it’s time to put trust back into yourself as the navigator and creator of your own life; there’s nothing more positive or powerful than that. I promise you, such a positive state of mind will work as a domino effect, making way for positive future relationships that last a lifetime. Don’t let your negative past affect your future. Trust me, it’s worth it. 😉