Getting dumped is the stinking worst. You feel so low, angry and sad all at the same time. It makes you question your decision-making skills because you picked such a dud and question if you’re worthy of love at all. (Just to be clear, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE! It’ll take a little healing to feel like you are again, though.) And just when you’re feeling as crappy as humanly possible, someone will say something that will make you feel impossibly worse, like…
I knew s/he wasn’t right for you.
Well, could you have told me before s/he ripped my heart out of my freaking chest and put it in a blender?
You should move on already.
Um, this happened literally last week! Move on? I’m basically a pile of snotty tissues and cookies-n-cream stains. Who is going to want to date this?
Did you see the new person your ex is dating.
No, because I de-friended that a-hole on every single social media channel or else I’ll never get over him/her. But, now I’m so curious I’m going to have to re-friend my ex, which is going to be awkward.
Are you so worried about being single now?
I haven’t even thought about that yet. I’m mostly just depressed and angry. But, now that you mention it, yeah, I’m freaking out. So now I’m depressed, angry and freaking out. Are you happy now?
You should come out to (insert any couples event) and get your mind off your ex
Yeah, because seeing you guys be all lovey-dovey and not dumpy-heart-crushy is going to make feel so, so good about myself.
There are plenty of fish in the sea
Not what I need to focus on right now. I need to get myself mentally stable enough to leave this couch so I can go buy more ice cream without sobbing to the cash register guy. I think I’m scaring him.
Are you still talking about this?
Um, yeah. It just happened and you’re supposed to be my friend. Get ready to listen to this for at least another week or maybe month. You know what? Clear your whole year, k?
What did I miss? What’s something people always say post break up that makes you feel even ickier about the whole thing? Tell me in the comments.