3 Legit reasons your boyfriend won’t say “I love you”

Saying “I love you” is the final chapter in the book of the beginning of your relationship. Sure, there’s a lot to come—moving in together, marriage, kids, etc—but that’s way down the line. The first parts of a relationship feel like they’re their own separate section of a relationship because so much happens at the beginning—meeting, falling for each other, first kiss, deciding to be monogamous, all the way down to the big “I love you.” Once those three massively powerful words have been spoken, your relationship is no longer just starting. It’s officially on its way. So, it’s understandable why you’re looking at your watch and wondering why all this time has passed and your boyfriend hasn’t said the big “I love you.” It’s a big thing to look forward to and of course any non-saint would get impatient during the process. To help you deal with some of the waiting annoyance, I thought I’d outline three totally legit reasons your boyfriend hasn’t said “I love you” yet.

He’s afraid

Men can be weenies and that’s a scientific fact. They really try to avoid doing things that are uncomfortable or frighten them, even in the slightest. And saying “I love you” can be a scary thing to many of them. Their main fear is normally that you won’t say it back. What you can do if you think your boyfriend is a scaredy cat is make him super certain that you’ll reciprocate his feelings. Be extra communicative about how into him and this relationship you are and do small special things that will make it easy for him to feel very valued by you. I know this is unpopular, but you could totally assuage his fears by saying “I love you” first. Then, he has nothing left to be afraid of! You totally got rid of the monster in the closet!

He’s clueless

Men can be dummies and that’s a scientific fact. They’re generally not as in tune with their emotions as we womenfolk are. And they’re certainly not as in tune with ours. If he’s new to relationships, been single for a while or out of a relationship that was dysfunctional in some way, he just plain might not know that you’re waiting for him to utter those important words. And unless you can teach him how to read minds, there’s really no way to get him un-clueless except for straight up cluing him in. That means talking to him about what you want out of him and telling him you’ve been waiting for him to say “I love you.” Have an open conversation about it and explain why it’s important for you to hear him declare his love for you first. It’s not swoony romance, I know, but it sure beats breaking up for no reason!

He’s not there

Men can be emotional slowpokes and that’s a scientific fact. Sometimes, your man isn’t on the same page as you in terms of feelings. And that’s not necessarily a deal breaker. Every milestone of the relationship doesn’t have to be hit in tandem. In fact, it’s highly unlikely that you can be completely in synch with another person, no matter how much of a soul connection you two have. What’s important is if he can emotionally satisfy you while you’re waiting for him to catch up and if he can catch up before you lose interest. If he can, great. If not, there’s no point in sticking around and making yourself miserable by feeling unloved. Get out and get into another relationship that feels warm and fuzzy, not cold and lonely.

Remember, they’re just words. Important words, for sure, but just words in the end. Instead of freaking about the actual words, focus on your feelings in the relationship. And I don’t just mean your feelings toward him, but toward the relationship. If it’s a good relationship, the words will just be extra icing on an already iced layer cake. And extra icing or not, layer cakes are pretty darn delicious.