In today’s modern day and age, love is still misunderstood. Whether it comes to defining it or figuring out how to find and keep it, there are many people who are confused. As the speakers at The Matchmaking Institute’s International Matchmaker & Date Coach Conference of 2015 recently illustrated, there are many dimensions to love—from intimacy, to attachment, to the cocktail of chemicals that make it all so delicious. Yes, love is a combination of art and science.
Our matchmakers were super excited that this year’s conference gave them the opportunity to hear theory-based talks, to see fascinating statistics, and to learn about the facts they could use to help their clients create stronger, healthier relationships.
For instance, as my dear friend, Dr. Helen Fisher, the leading expert on the biology of love and attraction, shared at our Pre-Conference dinner, thirty percent of singles who interact on online dating sites never end up on dates! Dr. Fisher shared that she is a strong advocate for anything that quickly gets people in front of each other—even Tinder! (Just for the record, if you are a lady feeling turned off by this popular dating app that often gets a bad rep as a “hookup” site, Dr. Fisher suggests that you realize women want sex just as much as men do! She says society just makes them think they don’t; well, I don’t beg to differ!) The one key not to fall into the “next” mode of not giving anyone a chance, Dr. Fisher suggests you meet only 9 people and then chose the best out of those 9. This will give you greater success in actually getting into a relationship and getting off line.
Certainly, another one of our speakers, Dr. Loretta Breuning, author of Meet Your Happy Chemicals, would agree on the importance of a timely in-person meeting to increase the chances for success in romance. As she explained, relationships have much to do with the release of neurochemicals. One of the winners in the love game? Oxytocin. And couples must touch each other to release it!
Dr. Amir Levine, author of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find-And Keep-Love, made a big contribution to the discussion at our love conference, intriguing our industry professionals from around the world with his research in adult attachment theories. Dr. Levine revealed that couples can actually reprogram their attachment styles so that they can better relate to their partners.
I talked with several matchmakers at the conference who found his insight very helpful to understanding compatibility. Some of my colleagues even took the quiz in Attached to figure out their attachment style as well as their partner’s style. In fact, some disagreed that their partners had as secure of an attachment as the book suggested. A lot of this is really subjective, of course.
One thing all of us relationship professions all agree on: Love really is multi-dimensional!