The Sex Files with Emily Morse

He wants morning sex…but you’re not a morning person

Man tries to wake up his woman for morning sex

Dear Emily,

What are your thoughts on morning sex when one person isn’t a morning person? My boyfriend and I have a great sex life, but he gets up early for work and sometimes tries to initiate morning sex. I have never been a morning person, and until I get a cup of coffee, I am not very nice. We have had morning sex before and it was great, but I feel like he would like to do it more often. What would you suggest?



A: That’s a great question that has come up many times in that couples often prefer to have sex at different times and frequencies. The best solution is to compromise.You said the sex was great and he wants it more, so I would set expectations with him.

For example, let him know that it’s acceptable to you to have sex one or two mornings a week. Perhaps you’d prefer morning sex one day on the weekend when you both aren’t rushed.

It’s best to set intentions for sex so you’re not anxious every day that he’s going to try and have morning sex (or any sex)  when you’re not in the mood.  Many people shun ‘scheduling sex” but the truth is, if you both know that Saturday morning is the sure thing, there isn’t as much pressure during the week.

Sex can still be great, even if you know when it’s going to happen. In fact, this takes away a lot of the anxiety that you both might have around sex. This means he won’t be trying to have sex when  you’re not ready, and he won’t feel rejected if you’re not in the mood.

It’s really up to both of you what feels right and makes you both happy or at least satisfied with your sex life. You could also wake up a little earlier, have your coffee and then get back in bed.

Also, if there is some kind of sex that you like that you haven’t been getting from him, this is the perfect time to open up that discussion. For example, you could let him know that you love when he perform oral sex on you, and it really turns you on. Now is the perfect time to open up and talk about your relationship, and work on getting the sex life you both want and deserve.

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