The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

Three Tips To Get Your Ex Back

Mark this article right now with an asterisk, because I have absolutely no idea why anyone would want to get their ex back.

It makes no sense to me at all.

There’s a reason they’re called an ex.

But, for those of you that would like to go through potential torture throughout your life, here are three valuable tips, which probably no one wants to hear in the magical society, on how to get your ex back.

Tip #1: Make Sure They’ve Done Serious Work on Themselves

There’s no reason to get your ex back unless your ex has actually gone into some deep-rooted therapy and starts taking responsibility for 100% of the things that they did in the relationship.

You can’t just go and take an ex back because you can’t stand dating and you think that you will have another opportunity to change this person.

The only way you can consider an ex coming back in your life is if that ex has spent time getting therapy and going through the things that they were responsible for in the relationship.

Working on those things and showing you that they have been literally clean for the last six months and they’re actually living the new behavior patterns that you always wanted them to live.

Tip #2: You Need to Take Responsibility for the Things That You Did in the Relationship

You need to ask yourself, are the reasons why you’re going back with your ex because you can’t stand swiping and dating?

You’re sick and tired of being single and there seems to be no good options out there.

Your children don’t like the fact that the two of you are separated and divorced and you think it’s for the best, and the best means for the family to be together.

You need to look at your own stuff. You need to also ask yourself, as I talked about in tip number one, has the person actually changed?

Recently somebody told me they wanted to get back with their ex.

I asked why.

They said, it’s for the kids. I’d like to have one more kid. I’d like to have the same father.

I looked and said, “Have you guys worked on anything in your relationship?”

The bewildered, non-evolved woman looked at me and said “I just think if we have another kid, things will be fine between us.”

Yeah, shove another kid on a toxic family, then you get more toxicity that what was going on before.

So unless the two of you take 100% responsibility for everything that was going on in the relationship and the two of you have both been going through therapy and you’ve been working these things out, then and only then, can you have another kid if you want one.

Tip #3: The Ex Pow Wow

If you’re really thinking about getting back together with your ex, you have to do what I call radical authenticity.

This radical authenticity is a sit-down session with your ex.

Where the two of you can literally, in a non-judgmental space, in front of a certified counselor or coach like myself, really hear one another.

You need to hear about the problems you had.

You need to hear about everything in the past.

You need to hear how the two of you have actually worked through these issues on your own.

You need to practice non-judgment about anything that has happened when both of you were not together.

Any sexual relationships, any love relationship, anything that’s gone on, needs to be literally listened to with an open heart. Practicing non-judgment every step of the way.

That’s what I call the ex pow wow. There’s a lot more than that, but you get the message.

If you truly want to be with your ex again, you’re going to have to hear them like never before. Their frustrations, their needs, their wants, their desires.

Because if you truly want to be with them, you’re going to have to formulate a brand new commitment with each other. A commitment based on who both of you want now and not who both of you were in the past.

And if you’re able to, then you’ll be able to actually have a real relationship.

Sounds like a little more work that you thought, right?

I know you thought maybe it was going to be as easy as just asking your ex back. Getting everything back together again. But we’re talking about your life, and you know what? There’s no magic button to making everything go back to the way it was.