The ex boyfriend is a very popular character in our naughty dreams. Even though it may be light years since you were with this person, he STILL continues to appear in your dreams, bringing those old feelings back to the surface that leave you wondering if you still may be holding a flame.
Jennifer, a 37 year old, happily married client of mine began having recurring dreams of having downright filthy sex with her ex boyfriend. She hadn’t spoken to nor seen him in over ten years so she was at a complete loss as to why he was steaming up her dreams lately.
What I asked her is the first thing you need to ask yourself when you get a naughty dream about your ex boyfriend…
Was he your first love?
He was indeed! The second question was, how is the intimacy in your marriage right now?
According to Jennifer, it was “meh.” Once every couple of weeks and sometimes once a month.
Don’t worry, I told her. It’s not that you want him back, it’s that you want what he represents back: excitement, bubbles, passion! Like Jennifer, you are likely to get these dreams when your marriage or current relationship gets a little too routine and humdrum, as all marriages do from time to time. Your dream is using your ex to remind you of the passion that is still alive inside of you. These dreams are actually good for you and are alerting you to the fact that the passion department doesn’t want to become a thing of the past. So if you are dreaming of sex with your ex, it might be a good idea to get thyself down to Victoria’s Secret® and buy something red and lacy in order to kick up spice a few notches. Bring back the spice and the ex won’t have to pay you a visit in your dreams anymore.
Sometimes the ex boyfriend we dream about does not have such fond memories attached to him. Sometimes it’s the ex where the relationship was abusive or ended horribly. In these cases, rest assured that your dreams are trying to help you overcome the past.
I’ve had countless people ask me why they are dreaming of getting back with their abusive ex, why the dreams are pleasant when the relationship was so awful. The reason why is that your inner dreaming mind is trying to help you make peace with it. A lot of women, and men, who have been in abusive relationships have a hard time forgiving themselves for being in it for so long. They also cannot seem to let go of the anger they still hold towards the ex. This is something that must be let go of in order to have peace of mind. You certainly don’t have to make friends with the nasty ex, but you do need to make friends with yourself, your past self and your present self, otherwise you are likely to bring that anger and fear into future relationships. Once you make peace with the past and with yourself, the dreams are likely to stop.
Have you had any naughty dreams about your ex? Post them in the comments below and I will try to address them for you. And stay tuned because next week we will cover the dreams about having sex with an ex spouse!