Category Archives: The Relationship Couch

Finding Your Mate: From “The Right One” to “A Good One”

Couple celebrates finding their soulmate in one another
Singles come to me to help them find love. One of the things I commonly hear is, “I want to find Mr./Mrs. Right” or “I want to find ‘The One.’” Even clients who are in a relationship ask me, “How do I know if the person I’m with is ‘The One’?” One of the common criteria I hear that people use to determine if their partner is a good fit is whether there are problems while dating or in a relationship. “Anita, if you’re with the right person, you’ll rarely experience conflict. Right? Right?!?” Read more

Can Your Partner Change?

Woman ponders trying to change her partner
I received a question from a reader: Dear Anita, What advice do you have for someone who may think a person could change through a relationship – “maybe he just needs time to understand how important having a family one day will be.” Read more

Change Your Timing, Change Your Arguments

Couple screams at each other during a fight
You and your partner are in the middle of a heated argument. Your partner tells you to stop because they want a break. But you keep going, since you can’t let things go. You think you have to resolve this right now. What’s the outcome? If it’s anything like what my clients go through there is most likely hurt, angry outbursts, regretful words, tears and maybe the silent treatment for hours or even days. How do intelligent, rational people who love each other do such harm to each other? Because they’re not rational when they hit that “point of no return.” Read more

How to Derail Your Relationship

Train derailed on bridge
The saddest thing about my job is when my clients’ relationships can’t be saved. But what I find to be most frustrating is when their troubles could have been prevented. It’s super easy to derail a relationship, and knowing what leads to a relationship’s end can also help you prevent it from happening. Read more

Is Your Partner Cheating?

Couple caught in the act of cheating
In my last blog I wrote about common myths about cheating. Research indicates that infidelity is on the rise, with more relationships being affected by it. If good people are cheating, how can you tell if your partner (who I’m pretty sure you think is a good person) is cheating on you? It’s not easy to detect given that most affairs are not discovered. Although people can be very effective at compartmentalizing their lives that their affairs are never discovered, there are a few things to consider if you have any suspicions. You can’t tell if your partner is cheating based on just one piece of evidence, but you can look for a pattern of behavior that’s different from the norm in your relationship. Read more

Cheating Myths Debunked

A woman cheats on her boyfriend
In my line of work as a relationship expert, I work with cheaters. Some are funny, others volunteer, and some go to church every Sunday. Some coach their child’s sports teams, others take care of their elderly parents, and some are the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. Some research shows that, at a minimum, at least 50% of all couples will be affected by cheating. It can happen to you. No relationship is immune from infidelity. There is a lack of education about cheating, especially around how and why it happens. I find myself repeating the same things to my clients and continually debunking myths. Talking openly about the “reality” of infidelity is one of the best ways of protecting a relationship from it. Read more