Category Archives: Relationship Rules with Dr. Rodman

What To Do When You’re The “Anxious Girlfriend”

Anxious Girlfriend writes, I moved in with my boyfriend recently and our relationship is not going too well.  I am 29 and he is 31, we have dated for two and a half years and lived together for two months.  Prior to moving in together, we discussed engagement but he wants to put it off another year or two till he is financially more stable.  Basically, I feel that he is not putting our relationship first.  If he takes off work, it’s to hang out with friends, not to spend it with me.  He isn’t much for housework or planning activities for us.  I have had trust issues due to my ex cheating on me, and I’ve caught my boyfriend in a couple of small lies, and have also checked his phone a couple of times (I didn’t find anything).  I don’t know if my anxiety is the issue or if he’s having trouble adjusting to living together.  Please help, I don’t want to ruin this relationship if the issue is me. Read more

Does Short Hair on Women Mean They Are “No Longer Trying”?

So, when I asked on my blog what men find attractive in women, one response was, “short hair, because it seems like the woman isn’t trying.” His statement sparked some debate over whether this idea is “sexist.”  Well, first of all, I am not opening debate on whether actually preferring long hair makes him sexist.  Preferences are preferences, period.  I like guys with hair, versus bald, so does that make me hairist?  No. Read more

Long Distance Relationship: Yay or Nay?

I'm getting questions from guys left and right! This is great. I love having universal appeal. I also love this reader, so we will call him Reader I Love. You will see how cute he is. He writes: Hi Dr. Psych Mom, Background I just graduated from college. My girlfriend and I have talked about it and both want to try long distance (I will be in San Francisco, she'll be in Chicago; this will be the case for at least the next year, most likely two years). We have over the past three months developed a deeply open/trustful/communicative relationship (the deepest I've ever been in), and so I think that will be a strength going into the long distance relationship. We are also in the same line of work and have similar career goals, so there will be common ground and the opportunity to share quite a bit on a day to day basis. Read more

Help! The Intimacy is Gone

Reader Too Much of a Good Thing writes: I'm 24 years old and in a 2 year relationship with my girlfriend who is 36. In the last year we have had sex only once, but neither of us enjoyed it.  Before meeting my girlfriend, I had never been into a relationship and I was addicted to porn.  Therefore it takes me an hour or longer to orgasm during sex. In the beginning this was fun because we had a lot of time to experiment etc.,  but after a while it changed. I still wanted to have sex on a weekly basis, but my girlfriend kept refusing because it took so long and I had to work so hard to orgasm. And then the times we had sex, she was so tense that it hurt her.  So now, she automatically links sex with pain and me working my butt off to orgasm. Read more

I Finally Found New Love, But There’s One Problem… He’s Married

Reader You Know What I'm Going To Say writes: Help!!! After a 30 year marriage where I was the breadwinner, I finally left.  For 5 years I remained busy, happy, and alone.  Then I met Mike.  Bang, love at first sight.  It was 15 months of heaven, joy, laughter, companionship, sex was regular, fun, healthy, and exciting.  So here's the problem.  He's married, with a 17 year old son. His wife has an illness.  His son is going to college and is soooo spoiled- dad's boy and mummy's baby.  Until he goes to college Mike won't leave home- but then what?  Am I setting myself up for hurt? Read more

Question: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Have Sex With Me?

  Reader Frustrated in More Ways Than One writes, I am 26 and I live with my boyfriend, who is 27. My boyfriend is gentle and kind and loving. He will get up in the middle of the night to get me water if I don't feel good. He's my best friend. He wasn't always so sure that he loved me, though, and because of that, I doubt myself from time to time. It's only very seldom, because I honestly do know he loves me. He may have been unsure at first but I know he is sure now. But, because he doubted before, I doubt now. I never fully trust when he says he won't leave, because he thought he wanted to once. (We broke up for 3 months last year bc he said he was no longer in love with me.) I have no doubt in my mind though that we both love each other. I hate to even complain because I am so happy with so much of what we have, except our sex life. He is the best I've ever had... When I can have it. He never wants to have sex! I have actually begged. He refuses to even say there is a problem. Every time I bring it up, he gets very frustrated and storms out. He doesn't ever act that way, otherwise. He says "it's just not on my mind. Just ask me." The problem with that is, I do ask him. A lot. Multiple times a day. For days. Then I feel so defeated. I start to feel ashamed. I don't even want him to see me naked anymore. Then, he gets hurt that I don't want him to see me. Is there something I can say or do to help us have a somewhat active sex life again? I'm starting to resent him. Read more