The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

Can People Change?

Can people change?

Or are people destined to be, well, who they are or what path they’re on?

Will a gambler always remain a gambler even though he’s no longer gambling?

Will a drug addict always remain a drug addict? Even if they’re no longer using?

Will an alcoholic always remain an alcoholic even if they’re no longer drinking?

Will a sex addict or porn addict always remain a porn addict even though they’ve gone through programs and rehab?

Can people be rehabilitated?

The answer to me is yes.

It’s been said that any type of addiction is something different inside the brain. The addict’s brain is wired differently than a normal person.

But then again, what is a normal person?

Why are we always putting people in a box?

Why are we constantly trying to have a story about somebody?

I’m not just talking about addicts here. I’m talking about anybody. We’ve all got our shit, and we all have the power to work out our shit.

I’ve seen a lot of people change.

I’ve seen a lot of people grow, blossom and become something that they never were before. I’ve watched people turn their lives around literally.

I’ve seen liars become some of the most honest people I’ve ever met in my entire life. As a matter of fact, I have a friend who absolutely was on a path for disaster and he literally screwed many people and he’s done a complete 180 degree through therapy, medication and a lot of things.

Are we just a judgmental society that’s constantly judging people based on the things that they’ve done in their past?

I mean, you can judge me. I was a complete womanizer in my 20’s.

I slept with women. A lot of them.

I’m the first to admit it.

I loved sleeping with women. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I loved the chase. I loved the manipulation. I loved the validation that it gave me. That’s me being honest, because that’s what it was. Validation.

But that was 30 years ago. I stopped doing that in my 30’s.

Now, did I still sleep with them on occasion? Yeah, but I never chased women like I ever did again in my 20’s.

In my 30’s and 40’s, I slept with women, but not at a regular basis and then finally I just calmed down altogether and went on a complete authentic path of staying in the moment, being aware of my feelings and speaking my truth no matter where I was.

That, to me, was a bigger challenge than the challenge of actually sleeping and convincing somebody to go to bed with me.

Convincing somebody to go bed with you is actually pretty damn easy.

I’m charming, I’m persuasive, I’m good looking. I know how to do it. I knew exactly what emotional buttons I was hitting inside her and I went for it.

Why? Because I enjoyed it.

Did I hurt people along the way? Absolutely.

Was I addicted to it? Absolutely.

Was I a pick-up women addict if there was such a thing? Sure.

Was I a sex addict? Maybe. I don’t think so.

Did I want to drink or smoke a lot of pot in my teenage years? Absolutely.

But I have stopped all that.

I think we all have addictive behaviors. It’s a matter of what we do with those addictive behaviors and it’s a matter of how far we’re willing to go to get rid of those addictive behaviors.

But I feel like in today’s society, we want to be able to put people in a neat little box, a story that we can tell about who they are and what they’re all about.

It’s almost like it makes us feel better.

Don’t ever date somebody who wants to put you in a box, because they’ll always be this person.

Isn’t that what therapy and rehab and working with coaches and everything is all about?

To change the patterns that we’ve had in order to become the most incredible, powerful, amazing version of ourselves?

Don’t we need to give it a chance?

Don’t we need to give people who once did wrong a chance to show that they’re different? A chance to show that they’ve grown?

I just believe that people are inherently really good. But people make choices. People act on impulses, but in reality they also just learn from that. We all use our lessons in our moments in life to help other people and to grow.

So, I don’t know… I think the next time you try to put somebody in a neat little box, you need to really get to know that person first.

You might be pleasantly surprised.