Relationships

How to start dirty talking, even if you’re shy

Sex is an important part of a relationship. Obviously not the only important part, but it’s up there on the importance Richter scale. It’s also something that we don’t talk about nearly enough. And I don’t mean we don’t talk about it in the media. Because, yeah, there are sex tips and discussion all over the place. I mean, we don’t discuss it with our partners! I was shocked to hear that one of my girlfriends doesn’t talk about sex with her husband. Her husband! They have sex, but never go over their wants and desires and what would make their sex lives better. I guess they do it and then pretend it never happened? Well, I think talking about sex with your romantic partner is a must-do. And a good way to start the conversation is to talk about sex while you’re having sex… which some people call “dirty talk.” I kinda hate that term because it’s not dirty. It’s sex! But, we’ll go with dirty talk for now. I know some of you are going to get squirmy thinking about dirty talk, but it’s really not that hard… even if you’re shy or prudish about talking about sex. Here’s how to start talking dirty and I swear anyone can do it!

Say what you like

To get rolling, all you have to do is tell your partner what you like. Something like, “It feels so good when you (fill in the blank) on my (fill in the blank).” And it doesn’t have to be as aggressive as talking about oral sex, if that’s not your speed. Start slowly with something much more PG. You could say, “It feels so good when you drag your fingers over my hips.” That’s not so bad, right? Not dirty at all! But, you can see how it could get a sexual party popping, right? It’s good for your partner to know what you like so they can focus on it. And knowing they’re doing something you’re into will make them more confident, which only leads to better things between the sheets.

Put it on them

Another good way to get a sexy convo started is to ask your partner questions. This is particularly good if you’re feeling a bit timid about dirty talking. You’ll be part of the conversation without getting too dirty. You could ask what your partner wants you to do to them. Or, you could just ask, “You like that?” And if you’re feeling a little daring or hoping for some specific feedback, you could add, “What would make it better?” Alternatively, you could ask your partner what they’re planning on doing to you. If you react in big positive ways to certain things they mention, (something as easy as “Oh, I love it when you do that to me,” will do) they’re more likely to spend more time doing what you want.

Moaning can suffice

When words fail you, just moan! It’s a form of communication and will help your partner know what you enjoy in bed and what you don’t. I’m suggesting dirty talk because it’s really about communication and making sex better for both of you. If getting your point across is easier without words, then more power to you! Think of moaning as training wheels to dirty talk. You’re still riding a bike and that’s what counts!

I gave these tips to my friend who’s a sex mute with her husband and she said that he was very pleasantly surprised when she started talking in bed. He actually started joining in with his own dirty talk. I’m hoping this is just the first step to lots of conversations about sex for them. And hopefully, these tips can be the first steps in your relationship, too!

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