The Men's Room - Love and Relationship Advice From a Man For Women

What To Do When Someone Flakes

flakeWe’ve all been flaked on.

We’ve made it easy to flake on people. It’s so easy just to send a cowardly text to someone saying you can’t meet them an hour before you’re supposed to hang out with them.

We’ve made it so easy. Actually, not we. The designers of cell phones, the people who brought texting into the world, have made it easy for people to bail on other people at the last minute.

I remember back in the day, not like I’m 1,000 years old, but I remember that if I was going to cancel on somebody, I had to call them up on the phone.

The chances of them answering were pretty good.

We used to answer the telephone because we didn’t know who was calling, so we were always more curious. That was back in the pre-caller ID days. And even if we had caller ID and we saw the phone number of the person we were going out with, we picked up because we thought they might be calling to say they were going to be late.

We had to actually talk to somebody. We had to step up as a man or a woman and cancel on somebody at the last minute and actually talk to them as a human being.

Nowadays, please. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve been flaked on an hour before I was supposed to meet someone.

Alex, who’s one of my coaches, was literally in front of someone’s house once saying “I’m here.” And she goes, “You’re here? Oh, I can’t come down. I can’t meet you tonight. Something came up.”

I’ve heard stories from all of you about people flaking at the last minute.

What’s the cause of this?

The biggest cause is that we’ve made it easy. We’ve made it really simple to flake on somebody. All it takes is just a text; that’s it. You don’t need to confront the person, talk to the person. You don’t even need to treat the person like a real person. You can just send a cowardly SMS message, and then basically be done with it. Go retreat into the hole you were in before; go out with somebody else.

It doesn’t really make a difference what the reason for flaking is. There’s never a good reason unless you have a child or some catastrophe happens to you. Otherwise, you have no right to flake on somebody at the very last minute.

It shows that you have a lack of respect for other people, like their time isn’t worth as much as your time. You’re showing them absolutely no respect at all.

When you flake on somebody at the very last minute, whether you made a last minute decision to not go out with them or not, you’re basically telling them that you don’t respect them as a person, that you don’t care about their feelings, and that you don’t really care if they were looking forward to seeing you. You don’t consider the possibility that maybe they had something planned, maybe they had a surprise and bought tickets, who knows?

But it says a lot about your character when you flake on somebody. It means that you don’t have – well, let’s just put it this way – your shit together.

It gives the impression that you just feel you’re more important than other people.

Personally, when I get flaked on now, I really couldn’t care less because it lets me know what kind of person they are right from the get go. It shows their true character, and I got to see it right away. Not only that, I’m kind of in the world of abundance.

Every time I get flaked on, another door opens up so fast it really doesn’t matter anymore.

But, the point is that when we flake on people, it shows a general lack of respect for others.

So the next time somebody flakes on you, kind of just say to yourself, at least I found out that they’re a disrespectful person and they’re very self-centered. Tell yourself that from the get to, instead of investing yourself in a relationship that might have gone absolutely nowhere. Look at it as them doing you a favor.

Whenever anybody flakes on me, I’ll always send them this text back:

“I hope everything is okay and nothing is wrong. Sure, let’s get together again some other time.”

I mean, what am I going to do? Some people let it get to them and want to punish the person who flaked; they want to send them a text saying, “You disrespected me.”

Maybe you want to let the person know how angry you are because you’ve been flaked on. But really, you’re not going to teach anybody else a lesson. If you’re going to go through life trying to teach people lessons, you’re never going to learn the lesson yourself.

You can only teach yourself a lesson, you can’t teach anybody else a lesson. So don’t try to send a text in retaliation or a text that will make you feel better; just realize that they don’t respect you enough, and you found out about them right away.

Instead of getting upset because you thought it was going to be a good date or this person was somebody you were meant to hang with or whatever story you had in your mind about this person, just think for a moment and realize that there’s somebody even better for you out there.

This person did you a favor, opened the door to somebody else who’s going to be even more amazing for you. Be okay with it. Everything in life is about how you reframe it and rephrase things.

So go ahead, flake on me, I don’t care. The next time you get flaked on, have the same attitude. You’ll feel much better so much faster. They’re not worth it, believe me.

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