How and when to tell everyone you broke up

You know I love me some Housewives. I have really good girlfriends on the show, but I also love watching just because it’s good entertainment. And I have to say, this season of Real Housewives of Orange County is starting off particularly strong. I’m fascinated by Gina Kirschenheiter. She’s bold and brash in a way I love and I’m impressed with how she’s handling this split with her husband. She’s so calm and mature about the whole thing. It’s really amazing. I was watching the episode where she tells some of the other housewives about the divorce and even cool calm Gina was finding it difficult to get the words out. It made me realize that folks dealing with breakups probably need some helping navigating this situation. Here’s my advice.

Talk to him

Not all break ups are civil. If you feel unsafe or even just a little uncomfortable around your newly minted ex, skip this step. But, if you can speak to him, talk out your plan for telling people. Get on the same message and decide who’s telling whom. The longer you’ve been together, the more sorting you’ll need to do. So, this convo may not be easy. Sorry, sister.

Be OK with emotions

Like I said, Gina’s a cool cucumber and even she’s getting emotional over her divorce. Someone will hotter blood will be even more emotional. And that’s normal and fine. Don’t beat yourself up for crying when you talk about it, no matter who’s seeing it. You’re allowed to be sad and mad and share those feelings.

Not everyone at once

You have varying levels of intimacy with friends and family and you don’t need to send out the same PR blast to everyone at the same exact time. Decide what makes you most comfortable and do that. Share details with the few people you really trust and then keep the break up reasoning vague for everyone else. And you can share the news on a need to know basis or as you see people or make a major effort to tell people ASAP. Whatever works for you. Be easy on yourself because this situation is hard enough.

Have others do it

Piggybacking off of that, you don’t need to do this all yourself. Like I said, find the way that’s easiest for you. If having your mom tell your grandparents feels way better than you calling Nana and Pop yourself, it’s 100% fine to have her do it for you. Your number one job is taking care of yourself right now, not spreading the word. Focus on your main goal and let other people jump in and help you out with everything else.

Tune out negativity

A lot of people are going to have thoughts on your break up. And guess what? Those thoughts don’t matter at all. No one else knows what was going on in your relationship except for you and your boo. So, they’re not experts. You are. Trust your decision and tune out the negativity or any advice that’s less than helpful.

You got this, girl. Life goes on after breakups and divorce. You’ll find happiness again, but you’re going to have to army crawl through this emotional muck to get there. Telling people is one of the hardest parts. Once you get through this, know that you’re over a major hump of the process. Just keep going!