A friend of mine recently went out on a date. He texted me and said, “I’ve got to talk to you in private.”
I picked up the phone and I gave him a call.
He said, “You know how much I love to listen. You know I love to talk. You know I’m looking to make that special connection with a woman. But I just went out on a date with The Talker…”
Apparently this woman spoke non-stop. He said she jabbered on for two straight hours. I said, ”Did The Talker let you get a word in?”
He said when she was chewing her food he was able to say a few things, but after she swallowed she’d interrupt him and continued to talk.
He went on to say she constructed an entire conversation around her workday, her family, and a fight she had with her best friend.
Nobody wants to go out on a date with The Talker. It makes you feel like you’re being vomited all over, but with words.
It’s exhausting. On the first date, a person wants to feel special, to feel heard. If you’re talking the entire time, you miss an opportunity to get to know the person. Worst you’re sending the message that you’re not interested in the individual.
Would you accept a second date with someone who didn’t show any interest?
Some people talk and talk and talk, and have no social awareness as to how their actions make others feel. I’ve met some of these talkers. I’ve gone out with some of these talkers.
I’ve been exhausted by the talkers as much as my friend has. When you go out on a date, you need to monitor your talking. You want to do an equal amount of talking and listening.
This is important, because the reason you’re on the date is to find out if you want to make room in your life for this person.
Most people don’t mind listening, but when the conversation is one sided it can be exhausting. I feel drained just thinking about my last date with a talker. Thinking about being with the talker makes me feel like hibernating.
I know talkers are coming from a place of excitement. They just want to share. This is there love language. Most of the time they don’t know what it is they’re doing.
If you think you suffer from the talker affliction there’s an easy way to make a change. I want you to focus on your listening skills.
If you have something you want to share, tell your story in a succinct manner. When you’re finished don’t launch into another story. Ask him about his day. Let him finish his story, listen, but don’t talk over him.
Let him know you’ve heard him by repeating some of the information back to him and commenting on his story. Now you’re on the road to success. It is that easy. Listeners of the world, learn to talk as much as you listen.
Have you been out with the male version of The Talker? What was it like?
How did you feel when you were with the male version of The Talker? How did it feel to have all those words vomited on you?