40. Relationship Past

By a certain age, we have a relationship past. We will have dated people who have been married (maybe twice), have gotten their hearts broken, are not ready to commit, or are emotionally unavailable and just want a casual relationship. We all have a past. 

At any age, we have a past, a yesterday. But as the saying goes, “The past does not equal the future.” We cannot relive the past; it happened already, it’s over. The best we can do is learn from it, write about it, recover from it, and give our minds and bodies time to heal. I believe that you cannot fully give yourself to another unless you do the work and cleanse the energy from past relationships. 

Ninety Days

After a serious relationship ends, you need at least ninety days to clear its energy. We carry energy from other people, which can be why men and women know when their partner is having an affair—they feel the presence of someone else. Before seeing any evidence, we have a powerful feeling. 

We can have similar sensations after a relationship ends. Our partnership might be over completely in our mind, but our bodies carry its energy. We need to cleanse afterward. Photos and items need to be removed to make room for new relationships. We might feel doubt after a relationship ends. We might think, “Am I doing the right thing?” or fear, “Oh my God, I am alone.” We might start negotiating with ourselves or our partners, trying to overlook the things that really bothered us. 

Because of these doubts and worries, we need at least ninety days to go through a process of letting go. If you jump right into bed, have sex, or start another relationship with someone new, that person doesn’t stand a chance until you clear the energy. A majority of the time, people who have affairs will go back to their spouses, even if they want to be with the person they are having the affair with, because that energy never left. 

When people say, “I just got out of a relationship, I am not ready to date,” bravo! You are absolutely right. You need no less than ninety days to clear up that energy. It gives you time to make sure you are okay, reflect, and make sure this was the right choice. If you jump from relationship to relationship, you are not giving your heart time to heal. And unfortunately, that pain will stick with you, and the person you are with will feel it too—trust me.

Do the Work 

Past relationships are like ghosts in the room—the energy is present, and if people are in tune, they can feel it. If you truly want to find your one and only, give yourself this gift. Clear the energy in your space and head. Do some inner work. Clear out the photos. If you cannot get yourself to delete photos of past relationships, then you are not ready to start a new relationship. 

I watch people end twenty-year marriages and move in immediately with another person. Of course, it doesn’t work. Can you imagine the energy from a twenty-year marriage? People call these relationships “rebounds” or “get-out-of-jail cards.” No, these relationships are based on fear. Leaving a long-term marriage is going to require a lot of healing, self-love, energy, and work. You are going to have to clear out twenty years of marriage, including all the things that kept the marriage together. You have lots to look at and write about. 

Do the work. Clear out the energy from past relationships. Get into self-love. Become the person you want to date. Stop looking for a quick fix. Become completely available. Create a present and future energy for the person you would like to be with. That way you can start new with this person, and he or she won’t have to battle the energy from your past relationships.