#22. Closure

There is no such thing as closure. Period. I have been on both sides of the coin. I have broken hearts, and I have had my heart broken. And what I mean by that, since you cannot actually break a heart, is that I have ended relationships and have had them end on me. There is no closure for either party. Once that is accepted, you move on. 

When relationships end, most people want closure, a proper ending. Some people think that involves being the one to end it or talking it out. Here is the deal: once one of the parties decides game over, that is the closure. That is what they decided. There are no answers, there are no long drawn-out explanations, and there are no stories that have to be discussed. It is ended. Time to accept and move on. 

You cannot get closure from the person who ends the relationship. I have tried, and trying doesn’t work. And I am sorry, but there is no way to end a relationship that is easily acceptable to both parties. The reason why someone ends, cheats, divorces, goes silent, and ghosts you is not important! What is important is how you handle it. Do not make my mistakes in relationships! It is only important how you handle the end. 

I get that it might not be over for you, and that can become painful only from the thoughts you have about it. If you feel it is not over for you, can you do me a favor and ask yourself, “Why is it not over for me?” and then write down every reason why. Then ask, “Why do I need or require closure?” and write that all down. After you answer those two important questions, think back to when you first met and write down how you met and what happened. Did you leap into this without exploration? Did you jump into bed immediately before actually getting to know the person? Did you fall in love without doing your due diligence? I know it’s not very romantic to do so, but this is your life. Go back and take the time to evaluate your process. See if there were red flags or if you contributed to the chaos. Understand there is no closure when you write down the timeline and your part in it. 

What the other person does is of no concern to you, which can be a painful lesson to learn. The actions of the other person is all the closure you need. Instead of wasting your time over something you have zero control over(and everyone around you will see this brutal waste of time), you can prepare yourself for the person who is supposed to be in your life! How beautiful is that? Stop wanting closure, it is a waste of time. There is no outside closure. Give yourself closure. Give yourself that gift. Be grateful that person is gone and you now have a big opportunity to meet the person of your dreams, your one true only. 

Remember you do not need to talk or open up a conversation about the past. It is over! Just close the door and do your own work. Take all the time you need. I get you are thinking, “But they were my best friend, I told them everything! I need closure!” I know you are hoping that they will come to their senses. They will not, and why would you want them to? Think about it. Do you want to be in a relationship where you forced it? I do not think so. 

Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston starred in a movie called The Break-Up. Although it is hard to watch at times, it has so many gems and lessons. Remember, you do not need closure. It is over; move on and write down everything you are feeling in a journal, but don’t share it with the other person. Save them and all your friends the drama! They gave you their answer when they ended it loud and clear. That, my friend, was the closure!