The Relationship Couch

Why Men Won’t Commit

436185287_f67ee1c377If there’s one thing that pains me to hear from my female clients, it’s that the guy they’re dating is scared of commitment. In the dating stage it may look like inconsistent contact, last minute get togethers or booty calls. In a relationship, it may mean waiting to hear “I love you,” not moving in together or not getting engaged.

Yes ladies, you will meet men who don’t want a relationship or marriage…just yet. But it’s not even most men. In fact, men want love and a long-lasting relationship just as much as women do.
Sometimes love comes down to a numbers game. It’s unrealistic to think that every man you meet is at the right stage in his life to want a serious relationship or even marriage. It doesn’t make him a jerk. It just means you have to keep looking.

Here are five reasons men won’t commit:

1. He’s not ready.

Not being ready for a serious relationship doesn’t mean that he’s scared of commitment. It’s literally because he’s not ready. Hey may still want to play the field, concentrate on his career or needs to focus on family obligations. Men take their role as provider very seriously, and I’ve worked with many men who only casually date and put off serious relationships because they’re not where they want to be financially. He may also want to have experiences or work on himself first before he gets into a serious relationship. Timing matters, and a guy who’s not ready is not going to be able to give you what you need in a relationship.

2. He’s terrified of making the wrong choice.

Men are scared that the stories they hear about wedded hell are true: the ball and chain, not getting laid anymore, being with a controlling woman, etc. He may have doubts about your behaviors, like you being overly jealous or how you handle your anger. He may have thought his ex was “The One” but made the wrong choice once already. The pain and doubts may keep him from committing.

3. He can’t see a future with you.

A guy may not know if you’re going to be his future wife, but at least he knows if it’s even a possibility. He may be keeping you around because he likes you for the short-term, but he doesn’t see himself with you for decades. Plain and simple, he’s just not that into you.

4. He’s scared of rejection.

Ever feel like your man keeps you at arm’s length? Has a wall up or don’t feel as connected as you did when you first started dating? Again, most men want to feel connected to their woman, but to deepen intimacy requires one to be vulnerable. That can be downright scary. He may be thinking, Will she really accept me? When she knows me, will she still love me and want to be with me? If he’s not sure of the answer, he may keep from committing. You can reinforce the things you admire and accept about him to decrease this fear.

5. He’s scared of divorce.

We’ve heard horror stories about divorce. And if a guy has gone through his parents’ painful divorce and he hasn’t worked through it, he’s probably still scarred. Committing involves risk, and some guys may not do so until they’re 100% certain the relationship will work. The thing is, relationships are never a guarantee. But both of you have incredible influence over the outcome of your future, and that may mean getting some relationship education from a workshop or a professional.

For those of you waiting for your man to commit, it’s up to you to decide how patient you can be. At least have the conversation with your man about your future to see if your visions and goals align. If not, then move on to someone who will want you in his future.

Photo credit: The Wandering Angel / CC BY

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