All relationships have highs and lows. I was just talking to a girlfriend of mine who’s in a low. A really low low. There’s no shame in that. Like I said before, it’s a natural part of being in a relationship. One of her big issues is that her husband and she suddenly have nothing in common any more. They used to do a lot of outdoor stuff and working out together, but after a few injuries several years ago, they stopped those activities and she feels like they have nothing they do together any more and nothing to talk about. Here’s the advice I gave her.
Realize it wasn’t sudden
I know it feels like you woke up one day and had nothing in common with your partner, but that’s not the case. This problem probably started a long time ago and grew more and more problematic over the years. I’m not saying that to blame you or imply you should have done something sooner. Not at all! I’m bringing this up so you realize that this issue took a long time to develop, so it’s not going to get solved overnight. It’s going to take some time and a lot of effort – on both your parts.
Talk to him
Like I said, this is going to take effort on both your parts. So, you have to talk to him and get him on the same page. You want to be sure you’re both pulling in the same direction and the only way to do that is to talk about it. Don’t point fingers at him during the convo, but definitely point to the problem. Let him know you want to put effort into finding a solution and you need him to put in effort on his end, too.
Get into his stuff
What are your man’s hobbies? Force yourself to get involved in those at least occassionaly. I know, they’re boring and not your thing and that’s your problem here. I’m not saying you have to like his hobbies. But, you do have to find a way to enjoy his hobbies. Maybe it’s liking hot dogs at sporting events. You could quietly meditate while you sit with him to watch his favorite show. Get your daily cardio in gardening with him. Whatever it is, find a little way to enjoy it and do it with him every now and then.
Share your things
Similar to you finding some joy in his passions, help him find his joy in some of your interests. Invite him to things you think he might actually enjoy. For example, don’t force him to come to your all female book club. But, if you’re reading a book you think he’d like, get him a copy, too and have some reading time together. Or, if you like working out and he doesn’t, skip bringing him to a hardcore spin class, but take him on some brisk walks post-dinner. Know that he’s not going to love your things as much as you love them, but doing them with you is a real sign of commitment.
Start new things
Find something brand spanking new that you two can do together. Maybe it’s trying every pancake in town or collecting fancy tequila or even just binging a new show on Netflix. As long as you both like it and it’s something new to both of you, it counts. Make a date to do this thing once a week and commit to doing it for three months. It’ll be a conscious effort at first and probably involve some calendar invites and planning, but you’ll be amazed at how much your relationship changes with three months of a few regular hours of happiness together. Night and day. I promise.
These tips helped my friend through her low. Hopefully, they’ll help you too. Remember, this only has to be a temporary if you’re both committed to rising out of it.