Relationships

How to stay out of the friend zone

Everyone always says that the best kind of love spawns from friendship. I totally agree. But what happens when the person you want to be your significant other only sees you as a friend? That’s not good for your relationship, your sanity or your self-esteem. It’s called getting trapped in the friend zone, and it 100 percent sucks — there’s no better way to say it. To avoid this bummer of a situation, I cooked up some simple tips on how to stay out of the friend zone and let him or her know you want something spicier!

Be clear with your feelings

Story time. One of my close friends is inadvertently friend-zoning a guy. I can tell he’s totally smitten with her. He has all of the signs of crushing hard, but she can’t see any of it because he’s never made his feelings clear to her. He asks her to “hang out” instead of “go on dates,” he splits the bill instead of paying and he always meets her out instead of picking her up. Whenever I bring it up, she insists that they’re just friends hanging out. And with the way he’s acting, I can’t blame her. As a result, he’s stuck in the friend zone. Honestly, it’s probably too late for this dude to make moves on my bestie, but if he started out letting her know he was interested, it would be a totally different story. Sure, letting someone know you like them is a risk, and you could get rejected. Believe me, it’s better than months of being in crush-torment limbo.

Be willing to walk away

Like I said, letting someone know you’re interested is a bit of a risk. It could go either way. If it goes the way of rejection, then you need to be willing to walk away from the entire relationship if you don’t want to continue living in the friend zone. Sticking around in the hopes that someone’s mind will change is emotional torture and not productive towards finding your match.

Put your energy into finding someone new who’s really interested. Your forever guy is not waiting in the friend zone for you. That’s for sure. So break out of there and get him, girl! If he is, take it as a sign that the timing isn’t right. Move on and if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.

Don’t get comfortable too quickly

Dating is a balancing act that I swear is harder than an Olympic beam routine. You’re trying to get to know somebody while playing hard to get. You’re being sexy while not being slutty. You’re getting comfortable while not getting too comfortable. And that last one is where the friend zone issue comes in. If you’re dating someone and on date three you’re already in sweat pants and talking about your digestive problems, then you’re treading on friend zone territory. It’s easy to slip from dating into the friend zone when you get too comfortable and the sexy, physical part of your relationship takes a backseat. Without sexual attraction, you’re two people who care about each other and get along really well. In other words, friends.

Share your stories about dating friends or getting stuck in the friend zone!

Tags

  • Eric Garcia

    Dear, Patti
    First off, I’m a big fan of your show and how straight forward you are. My question pertains to the friend zone: How does a guy get out of it? Is it possible or an Urban Legend? You’re input would be appreciated. Thanks.

    Eric