Relationships

How to deal with clinginess

I have one girlfriend whom we call Goldilocks because she’s so picky with relationships. Everyone she dates is too something. Recently, she’s been complaining about guys being too distant and then she started dating a guy and quickly ended it with him because he was too clingy. All of my friends laughed at that. After all the complaints about distant guys, a clingy guy sounds like it’s just what the doctor asked for! But, I was on her side with this one. A clingy man (or woman) is very unappealing and it’s 100% fine to look for your perfect partner who’s present enough for you, not too distant and not too clingy. If you’ve got a clinger on your hands, here are some tips on how to deal with clinginess.

Talk about it

Your clinger might not know that they’re overwhelming you with their affection and needs. They could be misreading your signals and think this is what you want or they could just think this is what a good relationship looks like. They’re not going to get that you’re feeling smothered unless you tell them. Be sure to do this in a loving way and focus on the affection they show that you do like and what you want them to continue, not just what you need them to stop. This is a delicate situation, so proceed with love and caution, please.

Create boundaries

Once you’ve explained yourself, you need to set firm, but reasonable boundaries and stick to them. Maybe it’s giving yourself a night of alone time a week or it could be designating a certain section of the couch as a no snuggle zone. You only sit there when you’re not in the mood for loving. Also, let you partner create boundaries or make plans to suit their needs. Maybe they’re being so clingy because they need a date night or they want to spoon before you guys fall asleep. Set up a system that works for both of you and gets both of your needs served.

Ask yourself

OK, here’s a toughie. From my experience, feeling like your boo is clingy isn’t really about them… it’s about your feelings about them. You can feel smothered by someone’s emotions for you and need for you when you’re not reciprocating those things. Do you think they’re being clingy because you’re just not into them enough? If that’s the case, can you catch up to their feelings for you or is there no way? If you can, great! Give yourself the time to fall for them like they’ve fallen for you. Hopefully you two will get into step very soon. If that’s not the case, though, I think it’s time to call it quits with this relationship. It’s better to be honest than to have them work on their clinginess for weeks or months just to have you end it. That’s not fair!

Good luck with your clingers, guys! And remember, the right person will feel just right. So, don’t beat yourself up for being a bit picky!

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