Relationships

Exactly what you need to do when his texts are confusing

One of my best girlfriends is going through it with a new man. The two of them had a long flirtation with a lot of texting, a good week and a half of dating that was incredibly romantic and then, suddenly, their interactions are now limited to lame texts. It’s driving her so nuts that she’s about to crawl out of her skin. She’s really confused. How could weeks of flirting and then some actual dating devolve into infrequent and thoughtless texting with no mention of getting together? It’s an awful spot that I think anyone who’s dated a bunch will recognize. Here’s how I coached her through it. Thought I’d throw this advice up on my site too because I felt like it could be helpful to some of you all, too.

Think about how you feel

Check in with yourself. Are you just confused or is there more? I’d guess that you’re angry, disappointed and hurt, too. These crappy feelings are what anyone you let into your life in an intimate way can make you feel. It’s a risk of being open to new love. The fact that this guy is making you feel this junky this early on is actually him doing you a favor. He’s waving a red flag and essentially screaming, “I won’t be careful with your heart.” If you keep charging through with this relationship, you know what you can expect.

Ask for clarity

In an effort to give my friend’s guy the benefit of the doubt, I told her to straight up ask him what’s going on. I know being direct in the initial stages of dating is considered a faux pas, but guess what? This guy being cagey on text doesn’t symbolize the beginning of a relationship to me. It suggests it’s close to the end. So, what do you have to lose? Maybe there’s a really good explanation for why he’s been MIA, but if he doesn’t have one, it means he’s just benching you. And you deserve to play in the major leagues, not warm the bench!

Stop texting

You need to halt all text communication with this guy if there’s not a satisfying answer to why he hasn’t been in touch or wanting to hang out, obvs. But, you should also stop texting if he does have a good reason, too. Texting clearly isn’t a mode of communication that works for the two of you. Or, at least, it doesn’t work for you two now. Maybe once you’re a little more comfortable with each other and understand his tone more, you can circle back to texting. But for now, figure out how to hang out more and talk on the phone and e-mail. Avoid the texting blues!

My friend wound up getting an unsatisfying response from her texting dud. So, she’s moving on and I’m helping her do it…by drinking a lot of rose with her. It’s a hard job, but someone’s gotta do it! I know that her next man is going to be a whole lot better to her on text and in person. And yours will too!

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