Matchmaking 101 - Office Hours with Lisa Clampitt

The Dos and Donts of Sexting

When deciding what to write for this series, sexting made its way onto the table pretty quickly.
sexting
Having been out of the dating scene since sexting made its bold debut, my team and I took it to the streets – the virtual streets, that is – to see where people (or rather their thumbs) stand when it comes to sexting.

We posted on Facebook asking for personal opinions on sexting.

The response? Well, see you for yourself…

Sexting Isn’t Just For Millennials

Many women (and men) over the age of 30, both single and married had something to say about sexting.

A lot of people were curious how to keep the sexting, well…sexy in a long-term relationship. And many singles were wrestling with rather or not sexting was right for them.

One woman shared, “My husband and I often send naughty texts to each other but it often hits a dead end, because we know what the other is going to say. How do married couples or long term couples get over the expected?”

Sexting can be a great way to keep the spark alive, even if you do eventually know what the person will say. It still shows that it’s something on your minds and I don’t think you have to focus so much on constantly creating new “content” but rather just keep doing it – and see what happens.

Like your sex life – your sexting will have its peaks and valleys, and that’s OK.

As one friend shared, “I like texting him in the middle of the day or when he least anticipates it…or after we’ve had a rough few days. It adds an unexpected spark.”

We also learned that it doesn’t matter how old you are. Sext away! Don’t be afraid to try something new. The point is not to censor yourself so much.

Words vs. Pictures

As you may have guessed, many men responded that visuals win, whereas women preferred verbal sexting – for the most part.

One guy shared, “I like when a girl sends a photo in a bra or underwear but in no way does it take the place of seeing the actual sight of a woman.”

So ladies, should we be sending partial nudes, nudes or none of the above?

I’d like to do away with the “should” here and suggest that you do what makes you comfortable. Notice I said what makes you comfortable – not him. So if that’s not your thing, don’t do it. Plain and simple.

If it’s something you’re open to – go for it. But if the Instagram/ Snapchat age has taught us anything, it’s that there’s no such thing as being anonymous anymore. So if you want to keep your sext life top-level private, don’t include your face, if that’s something you’re worried about.

Friends shared stories of their photo in the hands of the wrong person – accidentally sent to a family member instead of his or her sexting partner, or their phone was stolen while the pictures were still stored on the phone.

One Facebook friend summed it up nicely, “No need to show too much…it’s all about teasing, flirting, and heightening your connection.”

The Final Word

Once my team and I sat back down again to share our findings, I realized my best advice for sexting is this…

It’s personal. This means don’t ever feel bad about your sexting preferences. No sext shaming around here! Also, my same rules for dating also applies when sexting – don’t get used just for your hot words. And don’t confuse your hot sexts for a solid relationship. They are not always intertwined. Know who you are sexting and what you both expect from each other face to face or via your iPhone.

It’s all about what works for you.

I hope you’ve enjoyed our Sex and the Summer Series. If you have more questions on love, sex, and dating, I’d love to help you answer them. Email me and I’ll get back to you. – Lisa

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