When you’re first dating your special someone it’s new and exciting and downright exhilarating. Clicking your way past all of the newbie relationship milestones is fun and getting to know someone you think is wonderful can make every day feel like Christmas morning. But, as you get deeper into a relationship, the excitement can die down. You two sink will into a comfortable companionship and that’s all well and good… until it’s not. It’s easy to go from cool and comfortable to boring and blah in a relationship. If you feel like you’ve crossed that threshold, don’t freak out. You’re not doomed to the relationship blahs forever. Here’s what to do.
Have a talk
Start by talking to your partner about how you feel. Be gentle and careful with your words. Don’t blame everything on them. The truth is that both of you let the relationship get blah-y. Be open and willing to work hard on your part. Focus on how fantastic this relationship is and that you want to feel as excited about the love you that you two have for each other as possible. Honest and open communication is always a solid start to tackling a relationship issue and this is no exception.
Make a plan
By the end of your talk, think of a plan of attack for kicking the blahs to the curb. Maybe you two need to plan a date night once a week. Or maybe you guys both have to commit to not bringing your cell phones to dinner. Maybe it’s setting a reminder in your calendar to give your boo a compliment every day. Or you could go on a trip. Airing your feelings isn’t quite enough to solve this problem. You need to create an action plan that you both think is doable.
Find small things
Here’s the truth…you’re never going to get back to that same butterfly feeling you had during your first two months of dating. And I think that’s a good thing. A lot of the excitement you were feeling during those early days came from uncertainty. There’s a thrill to not knowing if someone likes you back and then finding out they do. And once you’re in a committed relationship, you don’t have that level of excitement because you have stability. I’d trade the first date jitters for a stable committed relationship any day of the week. So, instead of focusing on what you don’t have, think about what you do have and get excited about those things. You have a partner who keeps dinner warm for you every night. Or your boo will run a bath for you after a tough day. Your bae puts the pillows on the bed every morning even though they think decorative pillows are dumb. Find small things that give you warm fuzzy feelings instead of waiting for something big and exciting to happen in your relationship.
Sex it up
Have more sex. I swear, this is a solution to so many relationship problems. When you’re physically intimate with someone, it’s easier to get into your feelings and ask for what you need. Plus, sex is exciting in and of itself. So, you’ll be doing more together and talking more together and those two things combined will work to get you out of the blah zone.
Go to therapy
I know there’s nothing wrong with your relationship. It’s just not feeling 100% right. And that means it’s time to go to therapy. Waiting for stuff to feel totally awful before you go to therapy isn’t a good game plan. Therapy, like medicine, can only work up to a certain point. Once you’re too far gone, you’re too far gone. Don’t let it get that far before you get the help that could save your relationship. I say the sooner the better.
Don’t let the blah sink your relationship. Use them as a catapult to take your relationship to the next level!