Women! This quiz is for you.
Do all your friends tell you that you treat guys like crap, but you think you just know how you deserve to be treated, which is like a minor deity? Do you walk into a bar and say, “Ew, everyone here is terrible” more than three times a week?
Conversely, do you frequently find yourself planning your wedding to a man you just met yesterday? Do you usually find yourself holding on to a relationship after the guy is long gone and possibly even is married to the girl he dated after you? And has a baby?
If either of the above resonates with you, this handy dandy quiz may help you see if you’re coming off too cold, too hot, or just right, Goldilocks.
- When your date tells you he doesn’t really like his job, you say:
- “It’s really important that people are passionate about their career” and start texting your friends that you’re out with a loser.
- “Hmmm, why?”
- “Me either! I totally hate my job. We should quit together.”
- On the fourth date, a guy asks you to come back to his apartment, you say:
- “As if! We are nowhere near that.” Then you laugh pityingly.
- “Okay, for a bit” and see where it goes.
- (you have already begun undressing)
- Your new guy wants you to meet his mom. You say:
- “Why does she want to meet me so soon? She sounds controlling.”
- “Cool, when?”
- “I know, she told me when I Facebook friended her after our first date.”
- You overhear your new boyfriend asking your best friend what kind of underwear she wears. You say:
- “I knew you were an asshole!” and slap him.
- “I think that was really disrespectful to me” once you’re alone together.
- “That’s so cute that you were asking her that. I know you were trying to figure out what underwear to buy me!”
- Your friends think your new boyfriend is kind of boring. You:
- Ditch him instantly.
- Figure out if you really like him no matter what they think.
- Ditch them instantly.
- Your new boyfriend is into BDSM. Your thoughts?
- Ew. Gross.
- Well, I’ll try anything once, especially if it goes like 50 Shades of Grey.
- Mmmmph (you have already purchased ball gag)
- Your boyfriend hits on your sister. You:
- Dump him and tell everyone on your 12 social media accounts what a jackass he is, linking them to his phone number.
- Dump him.
- Tell her not to be such a flirt.
- You want your boyfriend to come to your work party, and he says he would rather play Xbox. You:
- Tell him that you should never have dated him and that you’re sure your hot boss will be happy to hear you’re available.
- Ask him again, telling him nicely and openly how much it means to you.
- Stay home and play Xbox too. Also, make him a sandwich.
- Your boyfriend’s mom tells you your shirt is unflattering. You:
- Say, “Not as unflattering as your face.”
- Say, “Oh, really, I like it” and change the topic.
- Burn it and ask her to recommend what she most likes at Talbot’s.
- Your boyfriend gets you a $10 iTunes gift card for your birthday. You:
- Throw it in his face and tell him he better get to the mall before it closes.
- Thank him and suggest that next time you’d like something more personal.
- Cry with joy because you know the next stop is a diamond ring.
As you may realize, a preponderance of 1’s means you’re coming off a bit entitled and obnoxious. Are you an only child? Just kidding, also I’m an only child, which means I can make fun of us. But in reality, you may be pushing guys away with your… well, your everything. Take a chill pill. You may end up dumped by guys who would make great husbands one day, because they doesn’t want to deal with your attitude.
3’s mean you need to work on your self-esteem, girlfriend. You’re awesome, yet you think you should get walked on like a doormat and thank the guy who just wiped his Converse on you. If you act like you deserve nothing, nothing is what you’ll get.
2’s, of course, mean you’re emotionally healthy and “just right.” So get on with your well-adjusted self and keep on keeping on. (Do you like the slang motif in this article? Novelty is the spice of life.)
So, share this quiz virally, and until we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Lives to Improve Your Love Life Through Humor That Makes You Self-Reflect. Catchy, right?