My personal rule for myself when I’m single is to always say yes to a first date. Always, always, always. I say yes even when I “know” a first date isn’t going to be a love connection. I’m no psychic and I’ve been wrong about who I’ve had chemistry with in the past. I tell my clients to be open minded and I remind myself to do the same thing all the time. That being said, there are times when you have a first date coming up and you get the urge to cancel it. I’d normally say to resist that impulse and go on the first date anyway. But, there are a few times when cancelling a date is the best plan for finding love. Here they are.
When they’re not getting a fair shot
We all have those days when we’re not our best selves. To be perfectly candid, I’ve been having a lot of them since the election. When I’m in a funk, I know that no one would enjoy being around me. I can barely stand myself in a funk! And I definitely can’t give anyone a fair shot in terms of dating. Going on a date with a new guy when I’m in the gutter would be doing our potential future relationship a disservice. And that’s not fair. Same thing if you’re under the weather, too busy at work to not pay attention to your phone for a few hours or distracted by major drama. Cancel the date and reschedule to when you’re able to give the person the opportunity of a good first date. It’s doing them a favor, but it’s also doing yourself and your love life one, too.
When they don’t meet your non-negotiables
You all know my rule. You’re allowed to have five non-negotiables about who you’ll date and then you have to be open minded about literally anything else. If you find out between setting the date and the date itself that this person doesn’t fit your mold in a major way, it’s fine to back out of the date. You’d only be wasting their time and yours if you went on the date. And you need to spend that time finding someone who does meet your criteria! If, of course, this newly revealed fact isn’t one of your non-negotiables, just something that rubs you the wrong way, still go on a date. You’d be surprised what you can change your mind on based on chemistry.
When you have a deep, dark feeling
If you’ve been communicating with this person to set up the date and you get a creepy feeling, it’s fine to cancel. I’m not just talking about a lame joke or you get the sense you might not have fun. Those aren’t deal breakers in my book. But, if their jokes are derogatory or if things they text you about make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, cancel away. My rule about saying yes to all first dates is an attempt to help you. Nothing about being unsafe would help you. So, let your gut guide you on this one. Being traumatized is not going to help you find love. Take care of yourself!
Hopefully, your first date doesn’t fall into any of these categories and you go on it! But, if you do wind up cancelling for one of these reasons, know that you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes the path to love is paved with dateless nights…and that’s OK!