A hugely important aspect of my job as matchmaker is to coach my clients on their dating techniques so that they are set up for ultimate dating success!
I have a whole arsenal of tips that I give to clients, but lately I have been insisting that all of the singles that I match do something a little out of the box.
On every first date I coach them to ask the primary set of questions that were part of a study recently highlighted in the New York Times about creating intimacy between two people who did not previously know each other.
The a few of the first of 36 questions are…
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
4. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
5. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
6. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
7. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
8. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
9. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
It may sound crazy, but I have literally seen first hand that these questions change the dating game for my clients and friends.
I have a friend who is usually extremely judgmental about the guys she dates, and leaves every first encounter feeling like the person was not right for her. After hearing her complain about the same issues for years, I begged her to give these questions a try the next time I set her up with a really great guy.
She took my advice, and came back from that date raving about how those questions helped her to get past her judgmental inclinations. After discussing her answers to the questions and hearing his answers too, she said she was really able to get to know the guy I had matched her with! She felt a connection, a sense of understanding about who he was, and told me how excited she was to go on date number two with him because she sensed real possibilities for them in the future.
Having never heard her speak about a date like this before, it was all the proof I needed to know that these questions were the real deal.
It may sound too good to be true, but there is so much more to this than just a set of 36 silly questions. These questions force you to open up in a way that is not always organic when first meeting someone. They also encourage sharing and listening to someone else as they share. They take away awkward first date walls, and allow for curiosity and openness.
Intrigued? Stay tuned for a follow-up article about the amazing event I planned with my fellow matchmakers where singles were matched up and then asked to discuss these questions!