Relationships

5 Things to do if he won’t propose

You found the dude you’re going to marry… you think. He has everything you’ve ever hoped for in a partner and is basically perfect except for one small thing… he won’t get down on one knee and pop the question. You’ve been waiting and waiting, but there have been no steps forward toward engagement. I get it, girl. I’ve been there myself. This can be totally infuriating and make you question your entire relationship. Before you totally spin out, take a deep breath and keep reading. Here are five things to do if your man just won’t propose.

Know you’re not alone

This can feel like a lonely time. You’re not sharing all your thoughts with your partner, because he IS the problem here. And you don’t want to tell your friends and family because you don’t want them to turn on your man or your relationship. So, you’re kind of on an emotional island. Not a great place to be. But, guess what? You can and should talk to your squad about this. Chances are, a lot of your friends will relate. Feelings like this pop up with a lot of women pre-engagement. So, you’ll feel less alone if you talk about it. And even if no one you know has been through this (which I think is 0% likely), you can still discuss it in a way that doesn’t make your man the enemy. Just focus on sharing your feelings and not trashing the dude you want to spend your life with.

Ask why you need it now

This one takes some internal digging and maybe even some therapy to figure out. Why are you in a rush to get engaged? Is it because you’ve been dating for a while and “should” get engaged? Is it because everyone else you know is getting married? Is it because you need his health insurance? Or because you want to buy a house together? Or want to have a baby ASAP? Figure out what the reason for the rush is and how valid you feel it is.

Talk to him

I know that proposals are supposed to be big romantic surprises, but let’s get real. Do you think two companies just sign up to merge without any discussion? No way! Who you marry is the biggest decision of your life and you need to do your due diligence, especially if the merging process isn’t going exactly how you like. Start a conversation about your engagement. Of course you need to cover the how and when of the proposal, but really focus on the why, too. Explain why you’re feeling the pressure of time and listen to his reasons for not feeling it. You’re there to hear his points as much as you are to explain yours. And honestly, this is probably not going to be a one-time discussion. You may need to revisit this topic a few times before you fully feel understood and can fully understand him.

Figure out if this works

Circle back to your reasons for needing to get engaged ASAP and be real with yourself about your man’s timing. Can you wait to have a baby until his timing is right? Is it worth it to hold off on buying a house? Will waiting around while all of your friends get married and you’re still “just a girlfriend” drive you completely mental? Think about your long-term goals and if your man’s abilities to commit with a proposal will help you achieve them? Or if his timeline even makes it possible to achieve them?

Make a choice

Lady, it’s your life and this is completely up to you. Now that you’ve assessed your motives, talked to your boo, figured out where he stands and done the math on if you can hit your goals in your relationship, it’s time to make a choice. Stay in this relationship or go? I know this is freaking scary. You’ve probably been with this man for a long time and can’t imagine your life without him. But, I guess the question is, can you imagine your life with him? If the answer is yes, amazing! If the answer is no, you need to decide if it’s time to reimagine your life or get out of this relationship.

Good luck on getting that ring, girl! I’m rooting for you and know you’ll end up making the right decision with the right dude!

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