Being close with your family is a truly wonderful thing. And when you find a partner that loves your family and your family loves them back, that makes everything even more wonderful. But, there is such a thing as too much family love toward your relationship. Or, maybe not too much family love, just too much family in your relationship. That’s when your relationship stops being a beautiful thing between two people who are in love and starts be a really complicated thing among every single person whom you love. If you think your family-relationship dynamic might be crossing the line, here are some ways to check in.
Your alone time is impacted
One-on-one time with your boo is sacred. I don’t think there’s a couple on the planet who feels like they have enough alone time together. And your family should respect how it important it is for you to take advantage of the limited time you have together. But, if your family is regularly booking up every non-work and non-sleep hour they know you have or, even worse, showing up during your hang time with your boo unannounced, it’s a sign they’re overstepping their bounds.
You override your decisions
If you’re a fully-grown adult, you should make your own decisions, especially pertaining to your relationship. Moreover, you should stick to your decisions even if your family isn’t 100% into them. For example, your boo and you agreed on not getting eachother gifts this year because you’re saving for a house, but your mom’s a gift lover and insists you should get your boo something special for your upcoming anniversary. If you override your relationship policy and follow your mother’s advice, you’re letting her get way too involved in your relationship. Definitely a bad sign.
You share every fight
I understand that some of your family members could be the best advice givers in your life. Still, you shouldn’t be sharing every low point of your relationship with your family. It’s just not wise because it’ll likely paint your partner in a bad light and make your family less into your boo. In the moment, that may not seem like a problem, but long term, it will be. Asking for advice on tough times in your relationship every now and then is fine. But, if you find yourself needing to share all your ugly relationship details, it’s time to cut your family off and get a therapist.
You get news second
Your boo and you should be each other’s primary source of news about each other. That’s what a romantic partner is—the person you pick as your number one. But, if your boo is getting pressured to tell your parents information before they tell you, that’s a sign that you need to step in and tell your family to back off. Same thing goes if it’s pressure on you to be in touch with your folks more than your boo. Be it health news, baby news or professional news, you two should share with each other before you share with anyone else.
You’re reading this
Hate to say it, but if you’re reading this, you’re probably worried that your family is too involved in your relationship. And if you’re worried about it, then, more than likely, it’s happening. Trust your gut! All you have to do to change this situation is talk to your family and then set and enforce some boundaries. It’s going to be sticky at first, but with a little time, it will get a lot easier.
Enjoy all the love your family showers on your relationship… to a point. Be firm with your boundaries, but still appreciative of their reasonable affection, and your relationship will be a lot healthier. Guaranteed!